Page 2


7/19/2026 "Over Exercise & Under Eat" (Name stylized as "Mike C")
New Rules: Everyone MUST do my new workout album for a living. It's called "Over Exercise & Under Eat" and it's about these workout songs I made that instruct you the rules of the work' (short for workout babe).

Baby, over-exercising and under-eating is only part of the fun. I also force you to do shit-ups. I force you to do pelvic push-ups. I force you to do butt roll-ups. I force you to do butch weights. I force you to do Manic Elbow. I force you to do the Baked Alaskan. I force you to do Hellinger's Door Squats. I force you to do gunners. I force you to love yourself.

Babe, you are sure gonna wanna fuck yourself after you're done with my workouts! It's insane how good they are. I mean christ, just look at me! I'm cut like a door. My body is perfectly sculpted to be both utilitarian and shexshy. Don't u know I'm Mike Patten and I go Hyper-Diaper at the gym.

The only employee is my producer Willy - O (willy orbits) Tracklist:
1. The Mama Said Knock You Out Song 2. OE+UE Rules and Regulations 3. Shit-Up Sunday 4. Pelvic Push-up Pandemonium 5. Roll Up The Gloots' 6. Butch Weight Secret 7. Just Another Manic Elbow 8. Baked Alaskan (Toodle-Pop) 9. Doowore Skeewats 10. Gunnertreat 11. Now Go Love Yourself 12. Goodbye



7/21/2026 "Girlcock"
Babe I came up with the best new smash pop girl hit song of the summer oh my god! I just out-did Taylor and I'm coming for u next. My new album is based off of my new song and my new song is called "Girlcock". It's about all the cockamamie stuff a girly-bop does and goes through in her day to day life. I know all about writing songs about how women and girls think and feel just ask 'Yonce

I sing about the cockamamie stuff but I also sing about the serious issues like how it feels when the football star doesn't notice me or not having enough tampons to make it through volleyball class. I can really connect with the broads and their emotions. I'm the best at it. Them dames know nothing about Mikey P. though. And that's the way it's meant to be shhh.

I got some fresh employees this album to play like a joke pop band. They don't even play the instruments though babe. There are a bunch of other studio musicians that I employ to play the real stuff. These guys are here though because they look better in the studio with me. I don't want to look at any nasty men, I don't care how talented they are. Gimme the 'hunks babe and they can be my eyecandy studio employees.

Songers:
1. Girlcock 2. Zach the Quarterback Won't Give Me a RBI 3. Swift Taylor Farms 4. Tampons Today 5. Permanent Study Hall 6. I Think My Teach is Sexy 7. Advertisement for Neutrogena Pore Strips 8. Girlcock (Jesper Remix) 9. Advertisement for Yoplait Fruit-On-The-Bottom Yogurt 10. Oops! I Did Your Dad (Sorry, Not Sorry)



7/22/2026 "50 Years of Music"
Time Life Mike here babe and I gotta trick for ya! Don't do a snitch treat babe. U gotta know about my new gimmick. This is my album "50 Years of Music" and I called it this because there is 50 years of music on it. But shhh babe. I don't know what any of it really sounds like...

I'm the best at jokes, gimmicks, honkers, and tricks. It's only real that I would do this. And the thing I did is: I just dropped some money on this AI program to do it for me. Babe, I just motherfucking told it to make 50 years worth of Faith No More songs and slapped it on 328,500 CDs or 657,000 vinyl. U can buy it in a 328,500 CD set or 657,000 vinyl record set. You're definitely paying over a mil for this baby. Your wife is gonna have to sleep with the dog so you can have room for all the records.

Babe, this album used up a medium sized lake, a 16 acre forest, and a good chunk of the Andes to make it. But it's worth it you fucking asshole. AI is just that powerful. It's like firing a gun. Your not a man unless you use AI. Everything else is for girls.

Guess What! I just listened to some of the 4,000,000 songs and they sound so good. Babe I sound even better in AI than I do in reality. God, I'm so good. I have so much talent, my AI voice sounds way better than I do. I'm even the best in AI world. Big Jim Martin still sounds like a baby boy though. Buh bye Jim! Go and buy my new album you wont be mad about it at all. I promise!

Tracklist: 1. 50 Years of Music Pts. 1 - 4,234,421 2. How Far is Heaven?



7/24/2026 "Reactivate Your Nooni Control Your Octaraenus" (Name stylized as Mike Patten's Galaxy Quest)
Ohmmm. Babe don't interrupt me, Jesus. I am trying to align my octaraenus with my bifurcated control points and mind tunnel. I started getting into satisfying my nooni and exploring extra-terrestrial meditation and spiritual polygamy with crystals and ancient herbs brought from creatures of outer space. I have come with music from outside of our galaxy put into my mind by aliens using super brainbuddy enlightenment.

For this album I split up into my female nooni and male nooni and became Mike Patten's Galaxy Quest. The girl part is the most important though because that's what everyone wants to look at and it's the only reason I get any attention with this. I just hide the guy me behind some text or have him off the camera just enough so people don't have to see him. Then everyone can watch me stream my octaraenus on the beach without any men.

Guess what everybody was too scared to work for us because of my awakening. So we just had to make the album by myself. And then because it's just me I'm good enough to be on 'talent babe. (The TV Show America's Got Talent.) I rocked Howie-Wowie and Simon-Wimon so much they shit. And then I chugged a rainbow smoothie loaded with LSD.

A good idea would be to get galaga'ed and primaryilize your nooni to relax your octaraenus. You aren't going to know how if you don't listen to my new album. So namaste, motherfucker! Gimme some cash.

Tracks:
1. Zorbok's Song 2. Nooni Pop! 3. Smoothie Recipe (Spoken Word) 4. Advertisement for Moon Shoes Trampoline Wear 5. Unite The Galaxy 6. Advertisement for Broncolin Herbal Lollipops 7. Oxidize Your Chakras 8. Release Your Jamocha Duhkka 9. Advertisement For My Original Paintings Mikepattenattempts2paint.deviantart.com 10. Galagators 11. United States of Galagations 12. Don't Punish Your Pooper 13. Advertisement for Spinach 14. Space Fanatic



7/26/2026 "Doin' All Sorts of Bonky Shit! ...When You're On The rOad"
Rev your engines oh I mean rev my engines. This is all about me and this is my new rush sensation. What I do is this: Buy a semi-wemi. Let my crack hang out and start eating ambiguous chili spelt with comic sans font. Be as obnoxious as possible. And grab the mics babe. I busted out one of my microphone collections and mounted them in the truck. Then I had to put some stacks in the back. So my ultimate rush is screaming songs at full volume while driving over the speed limit in my semi machine. WHILE DELIVERING A LOAD! Why? Because I do all sorts of bonky shit! When I'm on the rOad!

I do all sorts of things while I'm driving because I'm good at multi-tasking tasks. I drink beer! I watch pornography! Sometimes I use my nordic track when I drive! It's so fucking loud from all the speakers I make Loud Load jokes all over the CB radio to everyone and they love it. I'm pretty sure all they get is ear piercing feedback from me talking into the mic when I'm on the CB. But thats just because Mike Patten. If you can't handle Mike Patten then pull over to the shoulder and get out of the fucking way! I also constantly have fireworks going off in the truck. I need there to be as much chaos as possible when I drive so I can get off.

Babe, sometimes I just put a motherfucking cinderblock on the gas pedal and go in back to lay down tracks with my new employees Hugh "The Polar Bear" Roland, Ice Road Rick, and a man I only know as Mr. Dunlop. They Play simple truck music while I lay down over-amplified vocals. I couldn't fit a producer in the truck so I just recorded everything on this 4 track I had laying around from the 80's. It sounds like fucking shit. It doesn't matter because I only care about how good it feels to make it. Sorry suckers. You gotta deal with some loud and unpleasant noises again. Thanks for the mon' hon'. (A shorter version of money honey.)

Nobody knows more about truckin' and the rOad than I do now. You gotta go as fast as you can. You gotta make as much noise and have as much distractions going on humanly possible. And you gotta purposely swerve in and out of oncoming traffic to get the ultimate high. That's what truckin's all about baby. And getting the big loads. Don't forget about the bigger the load the better the road rule I taught you. Okay I love you guys, bye.

Tracklist:
1. Trucktreat 2. DASOBS (WIOTR) 3. Screaming Fuck 4. Clutch First (Ya Commie) 5. Macho Camacho 6. Shittin' Out Da Winda' 7. Lisa Kelly 8. 15 Arias Down the Dalton Highway 9. Atigun Ass 10. Road Kill Kollection 11. Dover to Denver 12. Pants On Fire (On The Antenna) 13. Yelling Swear Words Into The CB Radio for 30 Minutes


Mike ALL-NEW Patten Page Portal
Previous Next
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40






THE OLD MIKE PATTEN PAGE PORTAL
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40