Page 3


3/7/23 "Love Without Love"
Down on your knees babybabe. The ultimate exposè is here in front of your face so get ready for an entire mouth full of Mikey P "Mike Patten" Patten malted milk balls. Hi babe. It's me, Mikey P "Mike Patten" Patten and it's time for you to shhh! shhh! Shhhhut those big beautiful lips of yours because it's time for me to perform. When I perform I feel free, fancy, fruity and fripp. When I'm dancing I feel like I am in power and nobody, not even Kiedis, can make me feel like I'm not the best at 'tease babe.

I bet u can't even 'tease as good as I can. (When Michael A. Patten says 'tease, he probably means striptease. I'm not sure, but I think that makes the most sense.) I'll do secret moves 3 like "The Shut Mouth" that's where u shut your mouth and let my booty do the talking. There's the "Hot Crossed Babybabe" where I put steaming hot waffles all over my body. And let's not forget the "Pop Up Turtle" where I tap fabric in my underwear and suck it all back in. What's the lump?

It is true that I go hog-wild on stage babe but shhh! I am also very delicate and I articulate my motions with finesse and I gavel low insipid palustris. That's because I love Italy babe and I consider myself Italian. We all know that Italians are more sophisticated because we eat lasogna and we ride horses. We also have the most sophisticated fetishes so strap on that jammy pac and get ready for a blow out. We also have the smelliest odorants so grab the clothes pins and plug your noses. I'm wearing gorgonzola today babe so suck it.

Big Jim Martin stands in the shadows behind me babe and watches. Sometimes he just randomly plugs in his guitar and lays out slick guitar leads. Sometimes it sounds like he's just practicing though and he starts doing scales and it ruins the mood. Sorry Jim, time to get flushed.

Tracklist: 1. Babybabe Got a Bunion 2. Stale Cologne 3. Love W/O Love 4. Lift With Your Back 5. Put on the Mask and Burp for Monkey 6. Command Three 7. Kiss Me Where the Valentine Don't Shine 8. Butter Police 9. Lower Than Mud 10. Turd Tappin Tony Treat 11. Alone By the Telephone Line 12. My Undies Will Talk 2 U 13. Drag Dressed and Drunk 14. Chlamydia Tease



3/1/23 "Septic Safe"
Shwooosh babe. I been a bad baby beluga boy. New Rules: No Flushing. Babe, sometimes I just enjoy the go so much I feel like I need to keep it around so other people can enjoy it too. But shhh. babe, fresh hot secret: I'm septic safe. This means you can flush me down without worry babe and that's worthy of a new album.

After my bean bake lasogna adventure I finally achieved relief and left a bouillabaisse for the family to find at Valentine's dinner. I leave behind an image of my face in the water every time because I am what I eat. And seeing that I'm the greatest toilet rocker of all time it makes sense that I would slowly become part of the water every time I go. The frog may never know the jacuzzi's getting hotter but if he was bathing in a big bowl of Mike he would burn up instantly.

Then "Big Butt" Jim Martin comes along and double dutches my artwork. It's okay babe, we just made a collaborative gumbo to ease the soul, and all it takes is one flush to start anew. But seriously Jim.

Check out the new 'bum babe, Septic Safe. It's got a lot of choice melodies I made while on the throne. Then I yell and scream for an adult to wipe my bottom. Are you next?

Tracklist: 1. Cuckoo for Waka Flocka Flame 2. Watch out Babe, I Ate a Donk Last Night 3. Epic 4. Midlife Manure 5. Feart Attack 6. Serious Glob 7. Overneath the Daup 8. Swirlyworld 9. Give Up the Dump



2/27/23 "Gas Pains"
Uhhhhhh.. Unnngg... Babybabe.... come here... closer... Uhhhhh... I've been eating a bean bake sandwich.................. and it gave me the 'bubbs. I always get the 'bubbs when I eat and............. I'm a gaseous creature but this time I went too far,............... way too far...

Tracklist: 1. I Don't Even Want to Do Anything Anymore 2. Janky Sandwiches 3. Doberman Pooper 4. Colonic Crisis 5. What's Your Favorite Song With "Gas Pains" in the Title? 6. Gas Pains 7. I Bet it Was Track 6 8. Too Many Numbers to Count 9. The Gentle Fart of Making Enemies 10. Ready for Seconds (Pain Pt. 2 - Not a Fool, I Just Don't Learn)



2/23/23 "Sloppy Seconds"
Babe, I bet you all love it when I surprise you with a special-wecial album of unreleased tracks and outtakes. This time it's from the "Eat My Shorts" sessions. I just had so much fun with the 'hounds babe that I kept going and I made too many songs. Too many to fit on one album, that's for damn sure! New rules. More Mike is better than more of the absence of Mike.

I took things a little too far babe, I just got way too overstimulated and I became the beef babe. Who's got that beef? I am that beef. Where's the Mike? Let me tell you. Whoo! I wrapped my greasy buns up into a burrito shell baby and feed-fed ready in a grounded gristle beef pouch. A pouch for a pooch. And then I can be dipped in enchilada sauce or smothered with queso blanca jubilee. It's a meal fit for a king, but strong enough for a dog.

U all know sometimes I'm Dog For a Day, King For a Dog Day but this time I'm an elevated dog food mealy meal. Jimothy James Martin seemed extra exasperated after all of these non essential bonus tracks. Jim, I know that I usually just throw the extra songs in the trash but this time I'm using the recycle bin. Babe, it's really the remicheal bin because it's all me. Recycled garbage tracks pumped up in the oven at 450 degrees. Dig in.

Tracklist: 1. Tastes Good On My Buns 2. Dogs Club 3. Dog Today 4. Big Fat Dog 5. Dogrielle 6. Did You Bite Me? 7. Jortsburger Highdog 8. Unsaturateditions 9. Isntreal 10. The Beef! 11. Monike the Beef 12. Sugar Beef



2/23/23 "Eat My Shorts"
The wait is finally over babe. Meat Pt. 3 arrives. I was eating my lasogna sandwich the other day and I was thinking "Oh yeah, I promised another meat album, well eat my shorts!" And then Eat My Shorts is the name of the new album.

I made some meat jorts babe. I took ground beef pants and cut them into shorts for this album. It really affects the sound quality. I made it into a funny joke and told everyone that they can eat my shorts but literally because they are food. Little did I know that my jorts would attract all the neighborhood dogs. I would usually think this was a good thing but I was trying to make a 'bum babe ('bum is an abridged version of the word album) so during the entire album you can hear the hounds barking in the background while I try to shoo them away with my mikerophone stand. After a while I just give up and let them eat.

Hold on babe while I sit on the grill. I gotta make sure my jorts are at 155 degrees Fahrenheit before u can eat. I use secret spices and gourmet ketchup and all the bow wows come begging for more. Even Jim Martin wanted to "get a taste" babe so I made him a double jortsburger with extra Mike, hold the chili peppers babe.

We got another sludgy doom/stoner album going on here and the dogs really add to it. Loud dog barking is something I love hearing when I'm stoned and I'm sure you will too because I know what's best. Just come take a seat on ol' Uncle Mike's meat covered lap and I'll tell u a story about it.

Tracklist: 1. Meaty Taint 2. Perineum Pt. 2: Wings for Marie 3. Jort Juice 4. Grillin' Like a Villian 5. Star BVD 6. Candauche Brennan 7. The Dogs Will Find You (Wait For Tomorrow) 8. Raoul Isn't Even a Real Word 9. Secret Marinades 10. I Gave E-Coli to My Recreation Teacher 11. Learning to Live 12. Martin's Meaty Lap Dance 13. Unzip my Chuck 14. Hounds in Vegas 15. Back Pocket Seasoning



2/20/23 "Mike Patten Presents: Chili Vanilli - They're Red Hot!"
Girl U know it's true, I like sketty spiked with Dave and music is my full time slave. So Daveybabe and I teamed up for a side project of epic proportions. Chili Vanilli babe. Our dances are lip-synced and our voices are fake. Chernobyl duplicated us so we can use our "stunt doubles" to do all the singing and writing. We also make them do laundry and wrestle.

We all know that Navarro was the best thing to ever happen to the Chili-Willy-Pepper-Poopers so of course I'm going to snag him after they throw him in the trash and wash out his hair gel. "Don't worry babe, I got u. (Dusts off his jacket and pats him on the shoulder)". His smooth hard rock psychedelic guitars work wonders on One Hot Min' babe.

I decided to give Big Jim Martin a call to do guitar tracks this album. I couldn't really find anyone else that was good. He was okay this time around but I don't know. Dave was just interested in his tattoos, but he just kept talking about his tattoos. Then I convinced the Ink Master himself to give me a tattoo of my face on my neck. I want to be able to look myself in the mirror when I look in the mirror. Now I can. In return I gave Navarino a tattoo of Pat Smear from The Germs. We are truly blood brothers now.

Guess what other secret things we did? We teamed up with Simpson babe. Dave, Mike, Ashlee, we made the ultimate duet. It's a song about blaming all of your problems on the band playing the wrong song. Blame it on the James (James is long for Jim, Jim is short for Big Jim Martin). And that's the big hit single nowadays.

I don't have a lot more time babe because me and Vanilli gotta do the Jay Leno show and I have to change my underwear.

Tracklist: 1. Girl U Know It's Two 2. Girl I Got U Now 3. Girl U Gotta Get Your Life on Track 4. Blame it on the James 6. Baby U Better Not Forget my Digs (Digits) 7. Millions of Vanilla Peppers 8. Girl U Gotta Get in My Car 9. Snapback Hat 10. Girl I Need You(r Shoulder Pads)



2/18/23 "Complete Ass"
Guess what babe? It's time for me to whisper sweet hee-haws into your ears. That's right, Mister Bungle is back babe with bonus bountiful baskets of butt boy comedy. I'm still the ultimate butt but now I'm the ultimate ass too (ass is short for donkey). This time around I'm louder, smellier, and packed with poop.

For this release. I totally gave up on singing in the traditional sense and I just motherfucking make donkey noises babe and it's all to be the most annoying bastard ass rock music known to man. And I succeed. This album is awesome!

This album is good too. It has a lot of noises like lassos, hair, and relish. One of the songs is just my donkey-fuck mouth eating a bunch of sketty and breathing and then Jim Martin Jr. lays down a bunch of tasty guitar licks over the top and I give myself credit for it in the liner notes. It's so good that I bet I'll win an emmy for it babe.

And then I have special guests The Meat Puppets come out for three songs towards the end. We sing their songs Donkeau, Ass of Fire, and Oh, Me Ass. They claim to birth the donkey punk genre but I say that I did it first because I'm better at it.

We all know that Nickelback influenced Nirvana and Melvins and that means I must have influenced Nickelback because they sound like a bunch of jackasses. And that also means I indirectly invented grunge rock and post grunge. I'm just an ass with many hats. Check out my new butt.

Tracklist: 1. Stop Staring at my Photographs Now 2. Ass on Wheelz 3. Donk Eat Donk 4. U Aint Ever Seen a Donk Like Me 5. Double Donk Day 6. U Aint a Man if U Can't Handle a Donk 7. Donkeau 8. Ass of Fire 9. Oh, Me Ass 10. Where Did U Donk Last Night?



2/9/23 "The ASMR Addict"
Pardon me babe but I gotta whisper my buttered buns off for this release. It's because this release is all about those tingly feelings you get when someone scrapes their teeth down a fresh cob of corn, or rubs deodorant on their hairy armpits next to a microphone for 4 hours while doing little tick tocks with their tongue and cheeks. I do this and more on my new release "The ASMR Addict". ASMR is becoming a serious addiction problem and it wont be long before the government makes it illegal so I have to make this album while I still can.

I do a lot more than what I previously mentioned buddy. Every track is a new adventure and I've also included a video laser disc that shows me doing all the tracks. I attach a feather to a hairdresser's buzzer and make big arches from left to right and juice up those saliva chops. I urinate on delicate icicles to make them crack and pop. I put my hands in a big vat of steaming hot velveeta and add pop rocks to it then I eat it into the mic. I attach dull razors to the bottom of my nuts and run them along a sheet of sandpaper.

Babe, nobody can stop me! Not even Big Jim Martin. I had to keep him busy so I told him to snip his guitar strings until they were just a whole mess of little nubs. Big Jim Martin is the worst because he couldn't even play his guitar after doing that. I bet Ian would've been able to. Anyway, more about me. Another thing I did was grab a Red Hot Chili-Vanilli CD and put it next to an oscillating fan so the edge of the CD just barely hits the fan blades. Then I took a poop all over it.

Babe, nobody can stop me when I'm squishing sketty between my cheeks or when I'm scraping the cheese off my feet with a floor buffer. They're going to have to all buy this album, play it, then hit the stop button to make me stop.

Tracklist: 1. KoRnsKRaPeR 2. Odorant Rubby-Wubby Doop 3. Buzzo Feather 4. Pissicle Pop 5. Velveeta Rocks 6. Sandy Razor Nutsavich 7. Jimmy Chop Strings and I Don't Wear Clothes 8. Californiacerated 9. Sweet Skettycheeks 10. Dead Feet



2/6/23 "Mister Bungle"
Babybabe guess what? Be like Mister Bungle. Throw away your lunchroom manners because I'm going to be the ultimate bully-wully to anyone who has them. I don't bathe, I don't brush, I don't even lick myself babe. I yell in the hall and I have hypogonadism. I'm a menace to society and a menace to love but I'll love U 4 life if U buy my tapes babe.

These prank filled songs are goofy, silly, and outrageous. There's whoopee cushions, juice harps, and electric guitars. Grotesque noises like belches, barfs, and bumps. Babe, everyone knows I'm Mister Bungle, I'm the ultimate butt. I out Bungle everyone and that's the name of my band too. It's one of my noisy bands especially now because I have my Scottish friend Ian playing Big Jim Martin's stuff. Bye bye Jim!

For this album I decided to hire along Big Jim Martin for guitars. He has a sass to the way he plays and I like a lot of sass. He truly is a bad boy. Other than that, I got Puffy Lombardo on drums and Trevor Gunn on bass. "It's sweet charity work babe. Absolutely no paycheck for you". That's what I told them after they finished recording because I'm funny.

Oh no babes. Why do you gotta be so sensitive? Some people say this album is too outrageous to sell at the stores and I don't agree with that because it's dumb. Just let me art you all to pieces. I'm right here! Really.

Tracklist: 1. Edith Boy 2. Carnivore 3. Dogg-a-Blunt 4. Bend Me, Fettuccine 5. Sloppy Seconds Sketty 6. Ogg (I Made This Song on Linux) 7. Odorant Lick 8. Ravioliolta 9. My Sinatra 10. Nicotina Succulence



2/2/23 "Singing Head"
Do I have to tell you all about art? Babe I'm an art rock genius. People just say I'm a singing head but I tell you what, I'm really artsy fartsy and I'm the best at crafts in class. Not even Joel has better collages than I do. I make the grade with my use of glue sticks, finger paints, crayons, and noisemakers. Teach said I'm the best at noisemakers especially when I add smooth arias over the top of all the noise. - Mike Patten R-Type

My latest art rock masterpiece includes a lot of things teach might consider zany all the stuff Tonybabe wishes he could do as good as me. I do all these noises and I sing all these songs and they're so good.

It seems though God was working around the earth here, trying to make it beautiful just like me. He had to get off because it was night time. And He said, "I'll come back tomorrow and make it just as pretty as a Mike Patten, with lakes and streams and vocals and trees". And He got back the next day, and saw that the ground had completely hardened, like whipping cream. And He didn't want to begin all over again. No! In His infinite wisdom, He had an idea. He said: "I know what I'll do. I'll make some people listen to Mike Patten instead." And there. That's proof that my work is the work of God and he really digs my music.

Everyone tells me to stop making so much sense so I did on this release. I stopped making sense so much that I hired on Big Jim Martin for this release. I forgot what it was like to play with him because he wasn't robust enough for my last album. It turns out he wasn't as good as I thought. Maybe he was just having an off day. Or maybe having only a day to write and record an album is too much for him. What a baby.

Now I'm going to go and suck on my pacifier and pound stuff with a plastic hammer. Enjoy the new hits babe, they're all hits babe.

Tracklist: 1. Pull Up the Poop 2. Dogfriend is Better 3. Road to Bolognese 4. Monkey Cancer 5. Burning Up the Butt 6. Shities 7. Twonce in a Knifetime 8. The Dogs Want to Be With the Dogs



1/31/23 "Clean Them Lips"
MMMuhaaaauuuugugughhhhhh Nomnomnom urungerage. Oh hi babes (chop chop chop). Don't mind my saliva chops (chop chop chop) I'm just busy eating (chop chop chop) so I can get fat for my new album (chop chop chop) that I already recorded (chop chop chop). You know that I (chop chop chop) sound amazing (chop chop chop) but my voice will sound (chop chop chop) even better when I'm heavy (chop chop chop) because (chop) that's how it works.

Okay babe, I gotta take a breather. I've been eating for 2 weeks straight. Give me pie! Give me sketty! Give me some motherfucking gorgonzola babe. You're not ready to sketty? Too bad, Mike is gonna eat. As I work on my vocal tracks for the new album "Clean Them Lips) I leave in the burps, the saliva chops, and the flatulence. It's real life babe N I know it might be 2 real 4 some of U but U just gotta submit babe and listen. It's like you're in the big gassy bog babe of Bowie-Wowie land.

I didn't have the heart to tell Big Jim Martin that he isn't invited to be an employee on this album. I just couldn't do it. He is just way too skinny and I need more bountiful bellies to collaborate with on this album. We all bounce eachothers bellies together and that's the secret track shhh don't tell anyone it's a secret.

This grotesque recording is sure to leave Tansy in a bouillabatic spin. It's gross to some yes, but it is natural. Stomachs gurgling, pockets jingling, suck ingenuity. It's all there. I even stick a microphone on a colonoscopy scope and record my belly from the inside babe. And u can just call me Gaseous Clay.

Tracklist: 1. Go Burp it on the Mountain (Trad.) 2. Grouper Mouth 3. Wipe Them Lips 4. The Mashed Skettytato 5. Lardero 6. She Took Them Lips Right Off My Face 7. Colonoscopy Bubble 8. Spack 9. Davis in Arms 10. Boyish Booty 11. Gross 12. OBGYNMP 13. Busting Out the Wearing Cream



1/27/23 "Thank God for Punk Rock" (Name Stylized as "Mike" (The Artist Formerly Known as Mike Patten))
Punk is not dead babe. Let me make that clear. After I introduced punk rock into the world with my band Mr. Bungle I knew that it would change everything and it did. Bands like The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, and New Found Glory all came from me. So thank God for punk rock. Really, you are thanking me and that means I'm God babe.

Did you know that I'm the best at naming albums after a T-shirt that mommymom bought for me? I had her go to the mall because I needed some Manic Panic and an Invader Zim plushie. She surprised me with this shirt and she said she got it because she heard me talking about inventing punk music. You taught me a lesson, thanks mom. I'll always cherish my possessions. Be right back babe, we gotta change my Tripp NYCs they have poop in them.

Now that's over with I can start telling you about the music on my latest release. I dug up Big Jim Martin from the archives and had him try his hand at the harpsicord. The rest is just me singing and some punk rock hash bins that play some basic punk rock backing music. Those employees are Joshy Ramone, Charlesy Ramone, and Wet Gunther. They aren't very good but that's what makes it punk.

Well, I hope you like my new album. I think it's kind of silly, kind of funny, and a little embarrassing. It doesn't have any tempo changes or chord progressions because it has to be easy to play and I love everything in the world.

Tracklist: 1. Jimmy is a BOUGH Rocker 2. Gimme Gimme Gimme My 1080P 3. Farting in the Backseat, Generates the Heat 4. Anarchy in Utopia 5. Now I Wanna Huff Some Socks (2) 6. Donald Glover's a Cretin 7. Punk Rock Birthday 8. GG (Good Game) 9. Holiday in Italy 10. Beat Off the Brat 11. Bougie Adventure 12. I Put the "Oi" in Oi Oi Oi



1/24/23 "Always"
Babe, u don't even know. When I called this album "Always" I meant I'm always there 4 u and I'm always watching 4 u. Everywhere I turn I'm there. On a bench, on a skyscraper, at the zoo, I have advertisements all over the city and my face is now an integral part of every fine metropolis in this god forsaken world.

I can be your Sawyer babe. I got your back N nobody out there can change that not even poppypop or Bodine. Babe, you need some butter rubbed on your back? I got u. You need some melonnaise in your sock drawer? I got u. You need a bologna massage? I got u. You need a song about Mike Patten and the ways he cherishes you when he wants to make some money? I got u. Mike Patten got u and Mike Patten loves melonnaise and ponies.

What up Big Jim Martin? U got my back?? I got no employees around everywhere. I think I scared them all off with how awesome I am. Come back guys! I still want to play. It's okay, they'll be back. They don't have the cock to start a solo project so I got u (them). Tantrum time babe. I got tantrums for days and I know how to use them. Okay they're back now and we can make an album.

Tracklist: 1. One and Bologna 2. Evolution 3. Bring Me Martin 4. Hollandaise Champion Chug 5. Tri-Gonal 6. Bushbox 7. Seeding Rites 8. Dungeons and Pattens



1/19/23 "Tattle Tale Time"
Guess who's spilling the beans babe? Me. Mike Patten. I'm always spilling the beans but now I'm spilling even more because I'm a sassy, wild, fancy-free juggernaut that just loves to play pranks and ruin everything. And now that everything's ruined I'm going to use my golden tongue and extravagant vocal cords to sing like a bird even more. U can't get away with anything nowadays babe cus' Peeping Mike Patten is always watching. Peepshow 2023.

I told on Tonybabe (Kiedis babe) when he stole ideas from my band Mr. Bungle and he made the album Californicaution and it sounded EXACTLY like my album California. I pointed my finger, and told on him to the judge and said "Nanna-Nanna-Poo-Poo" and the internet blew up. I told on Jim Martin because he snuck some of his guitar tracks on Dusty-Wusty when it was really supposed to be that he was going to think he actually did the guitars but then it wasn't because I snuck my guitar tracks over his but then he found out and then snuck some of his tracks back onto it and then I found out and tattled on him and Andy Walrus took them out again and put my guitars really loud in the mix and then Jim went on a long motorcycle ride in the desert.

Spank me babe, I been a bad bean-spilling butt boy. I like it that way. It makes me feel like I'm in charge. I bet u don't have the balls to beans. Babe, it takes a real man to snitch. It takes courage and confidence. I have both of those babe and I know how to use them. Here's the proof:

Tracklist: 1. Evidence (Better Than the Better Version) 2. Secrets 4 Sale (Down With the Beans) 3. Hushy Wushy Babybabe 4. Bogart 5. Cheap Tongue 6. Spliff Hoarder 7. Say WOT!?! 8. I Say, I Say, I Say it Again 9. I Decided to Use Jim Martin for a Tattle Sesh 10. Gut Loaded 11. Two in the Bush



1/17/23 "Done With Drones"
Dear baby, dear babe, I'm sure we've all seen the new video of me getting in a fist fight with a drone on stage during one of my acts. Everybody just wants a piece of good ol' Mike Patten. New rules. Done with drones. I don't want any of you candyass mothermommas to see me that way. I only deserve professional pictures and videos.

This heavy-hitting, spine-splitting, cock-tingling thrash metal album I made is right up there with a good Anthrax or Warrant album. It's got noisy guitars and fast drums. I like it when Puffy drums fast because then I can get over stimulated and throw spaghetti-o's all over the living room for Jimmybabe to clean up. And then I motherfucking stick a microphone up my butt.

Babe, not even Peeping Mike would look at u through a drone, I got u. I only spy on dogs anyway babe. Dogs and Jorgensen. Dogs and Jorgensen are on my mind and I am feeling fifty-fine and I got a bolognese suit on.

Tracklist: 1. Round One: Fuck or Fight 2. U Wanna Bop With Me? 3. Italian Stallion Vs. Flying Dickplane 4. Unger's Ants 5. Nipple Paste 6. Born in a Butt 7. Fred Astaire Never Had to Deal With This Shit 8. I Don't Give Up, I Quit 9. Pass the Bubbly 10. Double Stuff


Mike Patten Page Portal
Previous Next
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40