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4/26/2015 "The Unconquered Babybabe"

Dear Judases, listen to my words. My name is Mike "Awesome" Patten, and I'm here to schlop some more tunes down your earballs. This album is very "gothic". It's so "gothic" that it's like a Rob Zombie running bee. If u think getting caught with your pants down is fun, then you just gotta try out this new sensation. My album, "The Unconquered Babybabe" will conquer your soul. It's dark, melodic, and full of shenanigans. I bet u don't even know what shenanigans are babe. It's like you're running in place with a toothpick shoved up your ass. More double decker baloney sandwiches for your goblin friends. If you like The Beatles, then you will like this album.

Here's an excerpt from the song "Babybabe's Back":
Ooooh baby baby baby,
Ooooh baby baby babe,
Ooooh baby baby baby baby
Ooooh baby, babybabe
Babybabe is back again
and babybabe is bi
Babybabe will hit ground zero
But babybabe wont die.
God, I'm such a lyricist; I'm better than ever. Look at my strong pecs. Employees on this album are special: Jim Martin Jr. on sauce guitar, LeBron James is on fullball, Jared Leto is on gothic sounds, Freddie Gray is on acoustic guitar, Chris Pratt is on lier, and Tim Cahill is on stoves. I haven't heard anyone play a better stove than Tim. He looks really boss while doing it too. It's so hot.

Best songs:
"Fothermucker (Demo Version)" "Superzero (Leader of Chilipeppers)" "Cone of James" "Soul Indicus" and "Shove it Shove it Shove it Spit it Out"



4/13/2015 "Fothermucker"
Dear babybabes, check out my new single "Fothermucker". I'm releasing this baby 2 years before the actual album is expected to come out. It's for this band I scraped together called "The Faith no More". I think it looks better with my name on it though. So there. This is a heavy-hitting, hardcore, 1 minute and 30 second long track. No B-sides, no bullshit. Just the song you want to hear. It's just better that way because I make the rules and what I say rules. I will not apologize for any profanity or gestures made on this album.

Lyric time babe:
Horse-fed more than we could eat in the stable
Grazed on a mash that ended on the table
Bloated, reloaded in a babybabe fable
Moistened in buzz feed while we choke upon the cable
Corner in the market on the babes without cheese
Hushing out the public in a strike without a sneeze
The stage became collapsable
Our cocks equipped with bones

Get the fothermucker on the phone, the phone
Hello fothermucker
My baby
You are so dumb

That's only a sample of the lyrics babybabe, if you want the whole thing you're gonna have to buy it. I promise it's a good song. It's probably leaked all over the place by now so buy it before you accidentally hear it on the net.
Best songs: "Fothermucker"



4/1/2015 "2" (With the group "The Peeping Toms")
Babybabe, the Patten Brothers are back with another cock-rock filled extravaganza. It hurts to be beautiful. I must share my pain. Beauty, pleasure, pure rock. So "rock" it hurts. So beautiful it must be shared. Please share my rock and beauty with the painful world. It will be painful to rock in a pure, hurtful place. So share my pain with your beautiful rocking heart.

Ever since the first album by my megaband "The Peeping Toms", everyone started going wild over hair, beauty, and guitars. Sometimes image is more important than music people! Don't you know some of the best musicians became famous just because they look good? It doesn't matter if you're good until after you start getting ugly babe. I have a long time to go before I start getting gross looking, so you better get comfortable. Brothers Patten are gonna shit more glam rock down your throat than half the 32nd regime put together. Khamis Brigade for life.

On a bag of windpipe mills, summerhammer comes into play. At that time you must listen to these songs which I feel are the best on the album: "1994 (Still See u Babe)" "Hoho" "Cum on Rock 2 Night" "Wheelin' N' Deelin'" "Burnin' Rubber (2420 MPH!)" and "Enuff Cheez?"



2/27/2015 "Mike and The Mechanical Animals"
In the '90's babe, Marilyn tried to always one-up me. I've never been so pissed since Kiedisbabe stole my style. Chew on this 'Mannybabe, I'm the new king of body modification. The more legs the better. I can still do everything I could before but probably better. Especially in bed babe, Especially in bed. Mike Patten doesn't have time for half-assed fake chests and pussyfoot-poppycock. I only have time for me babe. I'm still God and I don't know if I can stop. It's seriously been an issue, but I love every minute.

Every employee on this album is a key contributor. They are peak performers and I loved them all. Once in a while I even let them eat food. I got Leonard Nimoy on bass harp, The Dress on velvet hammer, Boris Nemtsov on boombastics, Kelly Osbourne on kok choy, and Seth Rollins on henryphone.

I Seriously out-shock rock everybody out into oblivion. I mind boggle the crap outta people! I mean c'mon, can you figure this out? I can't!

Best moments:
"The Dope Show (Real)" "Palm Tree Saget" "Phone of Phame" "Jeezcock" "Balls 2 Walls" and "Paintreat



1/17/2015 "Wild/Fun/Fabulous" (Name Stylized as "Elton Mike")
Ooh babybabe, you know I'm funky-fresh/cool-keen when I start to get a little elton up in here. I dress up supreme to bring stage presence to empty stages julius. Rocking out the crocodile cock rock menagerie. I thought you knew I was knighted by the Queen babe. Sir Elton Mike at your service. Bringing you piano-fueled rock anthems on a saturday night. Saturday night's alright babe. U don't know shit about 'elt babe. Only real men do. I don't think u a real man girlybabe. So stop getting your Billy Joels hard-on and stick with the man times two. Stop getting your Billy Joels banana cream and harness stick sandwich malm.

Here's lyrics to the song I wrote called
"Candle/Shin"
Goodbye Babybabe
Though I never babed you at all
You had the grace to fold yourself
While those around you bent
They crawled out of the peanuts
And they whispered into your cock
They set you on the torture device
And they made you change your name
chorus:
Never knowing how great I am
When the suck set in
And I would have liked to kill you
But I was just a babe
Your candle burned my fucking knee
Your legend was rot
Loneliness was bitch
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a babybabe
And pain was the pleasure you made
Even when you ate yourself
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to burn
Was that Patten found in the nude?
(repeat chorus)
Goodbye babybabe
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold your breath
While those around you breathed
Goodbye babybabe
From the young man in the 2298nd row
Who sees you as sex
More than just our Mike Patten
(repeat chorus)
Employees on this album were great to work with. American Sniper on rhythm, Slapjack on drums, Robert Allenby on percussion, and Chili Bowl on guitars. Best trax:
"Candle/Shin" "Krokodil Rocks" "Babe is Back (Bitch)" "Goodbye Yellow Brick Babe" and "Babyman (Gonna Be a Long Time)"



1/16/2015 "N Championship Halftime Century Link Field Jan 18,2015"
Babybabe, you just gotta know that the NFC Championship game is scripted and it already happened. The proofs on my new 'album "Halftime". I paid a lot of money to play the halftime show babe. I guess you can't do super bowls twice in a row so I had to settle for this game. Anyway, this is the halftime show in it's 2 hour long entirety. I just kept going and going and going. Most of it wasn't even music. Just me making funny noises and configurations into my microphone. There were 2 holograms of me and 2 real me's playing at once. It looked like there were 4 Mikes! No employees this time babe, I couldn't afford them.

I did hire a special crew to do some special guest appearances though. Alice in Chains stopped in to make us all laugh along with The Black Crowes. The cast of the television show The West Wing did a number with me. It was probably the worst part. Larry Sanders had nothing better to do so he came on to spark up some heroin on the stage. It was way better than the game babe. I stole the stage again. I can't believe what happened to the 'hawks though. Jesus. Speaking of Jesus, this album contains A LOT of vulgarity. Football is a man's sport, and real men swear. You don't have the cock if you don't. Here are some lyrics for a new original tune I did called "Footballer's Lust"

See me run
Down the field
Babybab
e U Suck
I'm the best
at the ball
U can suck
It babe
Ohh Footballer
Ohh Footballer
Sweet, sweet footballer Joe.
Football left
and Football right
And Foot ball in sweet snow
I'm so fast
I'm so good
Babybabe
Ur dumb
No more ball
U are dumb
Babybabe
U suck
Ohh Footballer
Hoo Footballer
Sweet, Sweet footballer Joe.
Football front
and Football back
And babybabe
U blow
Thank u Washington
Best tracks:
"Footballer's Lust" "Epic" "Falling to Pieces" "Mumbling Mike" "Comedy Skit #12" and "Fumble!"



1/11/2015 "Put A Little Mike In Your Heart" (Name stylized as nothing)
Baby, it's motherfucking mandatory now. The affordable care act clearly states that one must put some Mike in them. I bet you don't have the cock to do it. I dare you. If you do, then everything will always be good forever and ever. You will never feel bad again. Even if your dog-in-law dies. You will always have a song in your heart, and you can sing it loudly whenever you want. Babe, don't you know I'm the king of svrgical experiments? Not just for a day either. My cordia is deliriovs and it's oh so good to experience it. I'm a stormtrooper of death, a Billy Milano superstar, with my methods of destruction. I don't even think God has the cock to put Mike in his heart. I put God in mine, so it's only fair he does the same for me. "Winners-sinners" I always say.

Babe, my employees on this release are silky-smooth and leather-fine. Bill Maher is on pronoun bass, David Beckham on broken drums, Johnny Depp is on quitter's gun, King Kong is on back-up vocals, Billy Milano is on double back-up vocals, and Conway Twitty is rockin the hash pipe. We are a motley crew. But not like that sex tape band. They didn't go away mad, they just went away,,... and Mike Patten never goes away babe. If I did, I would go away pissed. Bye world, I would say, and use my Kim nukes. I explore a lot of different genres this album. Mostly fuzz-rock, but there's some post-jangle pop and gearwork assembly influences mixed in the mix. There ain't no party like a patten party, cus the patten party don't stop. So go and put this baby on repeat. You'll never see the light again.

Heartfelt tracks:
"No Scrubs (Naked Nurse)" "Superhero in the Heart of Fuck" "Everybody Wants to Screw the World" "Monkey Mike Mondays" and "Love in Your Heart (Put a Little)"



1/10/2015 "MTV Unplugged"
Shhhhh babe. It's time. It's time for Mike to finally go unplugged. I need to be unplugged, I'm all amped up for it. Uuuuhhhhh! Listen to me moan into my unplugged microphone. Nothing's plugged in girl. Not the drums, not the guitar, not the keyboards. It's so fucking raw it hurts. My heart is yearning for ache. My neck aches for bastwasher seven, maroon five. Please share my feelings and sing along to these songs. I wouldn't let anyone sing along on the live recording though. Nobody steals my fucking spotlight. You interrupt my concert, you die. That's just the rules babe. I don't need any pseudopussyfooters at my shows. You can just listen to my cds.

That's it. I'm going to split my fans up into people that are worthy enough to come see me live (chosens) and people that are lame and aren't worthy to see my shows (Tonies). I don't remember who I had for employees this show. I know I did a few things at once. Maybe Jim Martin Jr. was there? I don't fucking know. It doesn't matter anyway. It's my show. Me. George Zimmerman wishes he was me. Rupert Murdoch tweets about me. I gave Taylor Negron cancer. I'm the one everyone's talking about. I give you nothing but pure greatness. Give me some money k thanks.

Best songs:
"Epic" "Epic (Again)" "Midlife Crisis/Epic Medley" "Epic (Instrumental)" and "Last Cup of Epic"



12/31/2014 "Most Valuable Person"
Pop quiz bitch.
Question. :
Who is the most important human being to ever grace this planet?
Answer. :
A) Mike Patten
B) Mike Patten
C) Mike Patten
D) All of the above.

Give up?
It's B baby, Mike Patten.
And that's me, Mike Patten.
I'm the best at everything espeically singing because that's me!
You don't have anything going for you if you aren't me. I bet you aren't even me anyway. If you were you'd be typing this post, and I don't see you anywhere babybabe.

I don't think there's a better way to celebrate New Year's Eve than to go to your local record store and pick up my new album. Buy 23 copies and hand them out to everyone at the parties you go to. Or are you motherfucking chicken babe? I think so. You don't have the steves to buy and give these away. Prove me wrong, I dare you. Employees on this album aren't as good as me. I got Jim Martin on Cobain bass, Aaron Rodgers on Hasbro, Kaley Cuoco on drums, and Barry Church on Shanghai sax.

Best songs: "Chicken Soup for Michael" "Give Me All the Chocolate" "FotherMucker" "So Many Zwissers, Dwangs, Steambos, and Shtomp" and "A Small Hickory"



12/22/2014 "Christmas Balls"
Joy to the motherfucking world motherfucker. This album is so Christmas you can't even hold your insides inside when you oh so hear it. I have Christmas flowing through my veins. I got fucking Christmas everywhere and it's going all over central Europe. You've never had Christmas until you've had Mike. And babe, seriously, between you and me, you don't have the cock to have Mike. So boom. No Christmas for you. If you don't believe in Santa then fuck you because I'm Santa. I bring presents for everyone. If your kid is a little brat they don't get coal babe, they get a Chili Peppers album, signed by Kiedis. Sucks to be them.

All year long I've been waiting for this release to release. It's like a Christmas present to my motherfucking self to even have it come out now. Screw you guys, I'm locking myself in my room, with my albums, and never coming out again. That's all I need anyway girl, me. I got by with a little help from my employees this time around. Cocker's on Choirs, Teenage Time Killer on Shit drums, Scott Derrickson on liar's harp, and North Korea on cock guitar. Babe. Yes.

Best songs:
"Dreaming of a White Mikemas" "Jingle Balls" "Cock the Halls" "Joy to the Fuck" and "Simply Having a Horrible Christmas Time"



12/17/2014 "Ready, Steady, Blow"
You know who blows babe, that's right... Mike Patten babe, me. Uhhhhh! I'm enjoyed and things are going to get freakydeaky tonite. This album is better than the boosters babe.. and any 'guac you might eat over this holiday season. I just had to make another album babybabe, you can't motherfucking stop me because I have a smart phone. Girl, if you have any kahonays you'll put your money where my mouth is. Cold. Hard. Cash. That's why people make music, there shouldn't be any other reason. We should all be living in Italy, making music, and stuffing our face with unimaginable food like me! Everybody should be just like me because the world wouldn't suck.

Employees on this album are smash. Steve Carell on Bobbybabe Beats, Todd McShay on homosexual harp, Kendrick Lamar on untitled, Jim Harbaugh on pisser's wedge, and Reximatious Reptiles on juice phone. I know you will find this provocative album a stir and wet willies on your sumatious.

Best ones:
"Again, PM Me, MP - MP" "Superhearblow (Leader of Cock)" "Fudgepeter" "Cum on N Tuch' " and "Slush on the Nard"



12/3/2014 "Let It Be" (Name Stylized as nothing)
Look up babybabe. On the building. Me. After Mike Patten broke up a slick dictator released some of my unreleased studio seshes. What kind of motherfucker does that? My music primes the top supreme always so it's great. It even got me back together. Fresh new material is coming soon babes, but in the mean time you have to endure these tracks. They're good, but they're not naked babe.

My employees on this session are a motley bunch. Axl Rose is on lead guitar, dead as ever. Suicide Squad on choir. Will Smith has a verse on here. Orion is on drums and he's ready to rock your world. Psy is on rhythm guitar, playing in 3/2billionths time. And I'm on vocals of chorse, being the best fuck that you've ever had. Just wait til I tighten up my hole. I can sing higher that way. That's how I get all those goofy sounds and configurations out of my mouth. What a blast!

Best songs: "Get Mike" "Across the Fur" "Jesus Built My Judas" "Juice on the Pile" and "Bill Ding a Hole"



11/23/2014 "For The Masses"
You know what babe? I'm more addictive than Ebola. I infest your brain soo much that you just can't get enough. This is another humdinger that will make you question why you are even alive in the first place! I don't back down. Ever.

For employees I have Waka Flocka Flame on electric guitar, Marshawn Lynch on backup vocals, Katy Perry on drums, Cool C on mack, and Rudy Giuliana on big cock balloon.

Babe, we all know that war is like a drug, we just can't get enough. This is the war on health, led by me, Mike "Eb-o" Patten. Don't jam out on my cause bitch out flat. Shimmysham

Best tracks:
" First Born UniKorn" "Isis Ebola Raid" "Sweet William" "Bitch Road" "Don't Blame Yourself" and "Kim Lung Ill"


11/12/2014 "It Doesn't Matter Anyway"
Sometimes babe, throwing in the towel is just the best thing to do. A lot of things that we think of as important, is really just a bunch of bullshit. We live our menial lives, day-to-day, waiting for that big ice cream cone in the sky. And for what? A slap in the face, a fart, a smile, a kiss on the mouth. It's all completely meaningless in the end. Why not spend your life on drugs or on welfare? Top of the world! Here's my big "fuck you" to everything that exists. Sometimes, it just gets tiring to keep up with everything and it's easier to just punch a hole in your wall.

Here you go, this album is that hole in the wall. When your life is shit, and you have nothing to live for, just pop this baby on. I swear, your day wont get any better. If anything, it'll get worse. But that's all that really happens anyway. Just things getting worse and worse and worse. So fuck you and buy my stuff. I want money. I don't even know what kind of employees I have on here. Probably Miley Cyrus or KRS-one, or Ricky Martin (Jim Martin's brother). I don't know. It's probably something worth listening to.

Key tracks:
"I am Actually You" "Bitchlife Crisis" "Come Plain" "Negroes en Regalia" and "Sucks"



11/11/2014 "Touch It See It Hear It Today"
Touch no evil, see no evil, hear no evil babe. New rules. U want it all but u can't have it bitch. Just try and grab me babe, I dare. You better watch your fuck when you're around me. U can't handle me bye. Okay I'm back. I go total balls on this album, no holds are 'barred babe. It makes me solid. I'm a solid player. A KEY contributor to the music nation of rock. I'm rock solid. Solid like a rock.

Losers, weepers, finders, keepers. I'm all four of them babe. Except for the loser and the weeper. What can I say? I'm just a total package extraordinaire. It makes me want to smoke an e-cig baby. So cool. Really though, just look at me. I make marijuana look like a placebo. I got some phresh employees this time around. I have Paper on naked drums, Carol Ann Susi on electronic devices, Robin Williams on parklife samples, Zoboomafoo on shitskys, and Pat Sajak on loser's trombone.

Fuck you then listen to these songs:
"Keep the Faith No More" "Cool 2B Bad" "Don't Be a Babybabe (In Times Square)" "Linked In" and "Gorgeous Noises (Oh Joey Ramone!)"


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