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10/31/22 "Http://www.mikepatten.edu"
My new album, "Http://www.MikePatten.edu". Don't be afraid. Don't be a fraidybabe, babybabe. Get a learn. Get a drip. Check out and get educated. There is so much information provided. All of your assets will be electrified. Your anus will be in outer space the moment you finally learn all there is to learn. And it's right here at your fingertips. Right fucking here. What's wrong with you? Stare into the 'top babe. ('Top is short for the word laptop. It is a device you use to learn about Mike Patten. I decided to cut the first half of the word off because it is faster to do it that way and it looks cooler. Sometimes I come up with really good words and alterations of words because I write so many songs with so many lyrics and I always have to be thinking about words and ways to make them fit better and belong. I think it's pretty neat.) So come on babe. Click the start button.

For this album I have hired a bunch of decent employees to play on the album. I have 50 Cent on electric guitar. I have Eminem on drums. I have The Rock on bass and also keyboards. So come on feel the noise! I Don't even really know what this album sounds like. I don't even know if it really exists or if it's just a big advertisement. Maybe we never even recorded anything, I don't know. Buy it and find out babe.

Tracklist: 1. I Don't Want You To Weigh Down My Wallet Pocket Anymore Darlin' (74:59)



9/27/22 "Born in the USA" (Name stylized as "George Mike Patten")
Well I guess it would be nice 'babe. Not everybody has a body like me but I'm Mike Patten so that makes a lot of sense. Shh babe. New secret. Come a little closer so I can whisper it into your ear. My breath radiates a deep, moist, almost ephemeral-like succulence in the caverns of your ear. I was born in the USA babe. They call me the boss. Don't tell anyone though! Stop it! I'm supposed to be Italian babe. Nobody can know my true identity.

These are songs about the hard working man in America. The men who put their blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids into their work day-in and day-out. Like me babybabe. I sing arias and vocal configurations into the microphone and work hard just like any other blue collared bastard out there in this great country. Nobody is more American than I am. I'm truly a sight to behold. I added George to my name for this one babe because George Washington found America and I wanted to be super American for this release. So there you have it. New album. I hope you find joy and inspiration with these songs of faith, hope, and commitment.

Tracklist: 1. Born In The USA 2. Proud 2 B N Americ N 3. Freedom '90 4. Italiamerican Lover 5. Hot Crossed 6. Opal Rouge And Cerulean 7. I Don't Know What Any of This Means 8. The National Anthem Already 9. Like A Surgeon (Weird Al Yankovich Cover) 10. I Got It



9/23/22 "I Kick Ass"
I feel so fresh babe!!! I’m back and I’m going bananas bonkers. After recovering from my duffel days I’m back to kick some serious ass. My new album. It is the best album ever written. It’s chock-full of hardknocking headbangers and ballacious ballads. (Ballacious is a word I created to describe something that has some balls.) I highly doubt that you can really even think of an album that is half as good as this. It’s so good that I don’t even remember any of it. My mind is repressing all of the memories I have of this album because it is so incredible my brain can’t handle even thinking about it. Doesn’t it sound like a good time to hear a click of the ol’ “Buy Now” button? I’m not hearing it babe, better watch out.

Sassy! I’m just so sassy! Funk-driven and fancy-free! And I have so many more ideas for albums that I am exploding! I just need to create. I need to act. I need to be. I need over-stimulation. I need accolades. Pass ‘em here ‘babe. Give them all to good ol’ Uncle Mike. I want prizes and rewards and stickers. NOW. I still haven’t heard the click babybabe. Here comes the pain.

Tracklist: 1. Wow! How Do I Do It? 2. I Don’t Know but Here Is More! 3. M.I.K.E. (My, I Kick Ess (Ass)) 4. Julius Handtruck 5. Caramel Velociraptor 6. Born 2 Be The Best 7. Don’t Mess With The Best 8. I’m The Best 9. Penultimate Piledriver 10. Bodacious



9/22/22 "Duffel"
Mmmmph, mmmmphhhh, mmph, mmmmph…. UAHHHH! Uhhhhh huuuhh hhuuuuhh huuuhh. Babybabes.. Wow. So check this out. I just got free from my duffel babe. So I tried the duffel bag challenge. Don’t know what that is? I bet you don’t even have the chops to do it anyway, so I’m not telling! It was this amazing trend on the internet where you stuff yourself inside a duffel bag and see how long you can stay in there. My ‘zip (‘zip is short for the word zipper) got stuck and I couldn’t get out. I was trapped in there for over five years. I used my steamin’ tongue to lick the duffel everyday and eventually it made a hole that I could stick my head out of. So then I could sing arias as loud as possible to get someone and come get my ‘zip (in case you forgot ‘zip is a cooler way of spelling the word zipper and it doesn’t take as long either so I’m saving some time by doing so) unstuck. And now I’m instantly making an album about my time being stuck in the ‘duff (‘duff is a shorter way of saying duffel in case you haven’t figured that out yet, I know it might fly over some people’s heads because I’m an expert wordsmith and you have to be pretty smart if you want to figure out some of the things I say.)

Imagine the crazy things going through my head while in that bag’ babe! I got a lot to sing about, I got a lot of melodies flowing through my brain, and I’m really hungry for something other than the ‘duff babe. New rules babe.. pilaf time. Give me five minutes. Five minutes later. Like I was saying babybabe, I thought about a lot of things. Jim Martin Jr., Desert Storm, My experimental band “Mike Patten”, even Blue Bonnet Butterbabe. The list goes on and on and on… and on! Now time to get out my iPhone 8 and see if Automatic Dan is still alive to help me record.

Tracklist: 1. Duffel Down 2. Gorgeous Gorges 3. I Wonder If Elvis Lives On The Sun Now 4. Roughtongue 5. Undulating Undulations 6. What I Would Do For a Klondike Bar Right Now 7. I Had the Song Uptown Funk Stuck In My Head for 2 Years (Uptown Funk Cover) 8. Duffeldore (They Call Me) 9. Danishes 10. Hoagie 11. Oil Plug 12. Bogus Adventures in Duffel (Pts. 1 - 3049) 13. Corona Virus? Never Heard of It



4/15/2017 "8 Songs About Mike Patten"
Me me me! It's all about me babe. I still haven't figured out how to sing or play my xylophone yet so I have another album that makes it look like a new Mike Patten album, but it's actually just a compilation of artists that aren't me at all. Suckers!!!!! Here's the catch though babybabe... these artists wrote these songs about me. All about me babe. That's right, some of history's greatest hits were wrote about yours truly. #celebration #nodapl

I'm sure there are more than 8 songs about me out there! If you find any others let me know! But here's the 'bum (short for the word album) tracklist :
1.Carly Simon - You're So Vain
2.Johnny Cash - Boy Named Sue
3.Eminem - Cleaning Out My Closet
4.Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl
5.Lit - My Own Worst Enemy
6.Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely?
7.The Beatles - Birthday
8.The Beatles - With A Little Help From My Friends
9.Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box
10.Wesley Willis - Mike Patten



4/16/17 "Mikentosh Plush - Flower Shop"
I've got news for you. You need a hero. I'm here for u babe. Mike Patten presents Mikeintosh Plus - Flower Shop. I still don't know how to read notes and I forgot how to write music. (Thanks a lot.) So I decided to go Vaporwave. It's what all the kids are raving about. I just motherfucking take samples pre-90's faith no more songs babybabe, slow down the tempo and bomb down the tone, and it's like a whole new song. If I could remember how to sing I would, but when I sang in Faith No More under the alias "Chuck Mosley" I made some good vocals to pitch shift to.

I've really been getting into bath salts lately. This shit is awesome when you're doing that. Serious. Buy two copies and play them both at once. The 'salt just makes it better babe. Only real men can handle it. Sorry Charlie. Really, the more albums you buy and play at once the better the experience. So go wild! Don't let your emotions try to hold you back babybabe. I got u here. #thereisagod

Tracklist:
1.Kicking 2.Anne Frank 420/Punchboard 3.Flower Shop 4.Slower Disco 5.Biology 6.Booty Pankin' with Mario 2 7.Chinese Arithmetic 8.Chinese Bank Stimulus 9.Fu 10.Sun 11.Seachange



4/6/2017 "Game-Changers, Heavy-Hitters, Babybabes, and Motherfuckers"
Babybabe, u wont even believe what just happened to me just now. I ended up in the 'pen babe (prison) for "assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder". I don't even know what all that's supposed to mean but I guess all that fancy talk is for the lawyers. I guess I got a little too carried away at one of my Officer Patten shows during the "Been Caught Stealin'" tour and some flashbombs I threw into the crowd hit a child in the head.

But I'm back babybabes. Just call me GG Patten (Jesus Christ Patten) because I am the God. So in the big house I forgot how to write and record music. The result is this gritty, chew your teeth, pulse-panking, maniac manifesto. Being cooped up for so long gives you so much rage. So I decided to eat my own feces and slam microphones into my head. This tour is WAY crazier than the "Been Caught Stealin'" tour and if you don't believe me you're just going to have to come and watch it yourself. Bring me heroin when you do.

#celebration #notmypresident

Tracklist:
1.My Prolapse 2.Dog Money 3.Be My Baby Babe 4.Suck My Fuck it Smells 5.Dope Shit 6.Mosley Riding 7.Sleeping in my Bed 8.Anti-Social Perpetrator 9.Last in Line for the Food Stamps 10.Live While I'm Alive 11.Commit Kindness 12.Search and Rescue 13.Inlaw Scumfuk 14.Babybabe & Rice 15.Mom Loving Manimal 16.Stubb 17.YLM (You'll Love Me) 18.I Wanna Love You 19.Lick my Wounds



7/6/2016 "Been Caught Stealing and Other Faith No More Classics" (As "Officer Patten and the Funky Bunch")
Dear babybabes, I decided to scrape together what's left of The Ol' Dirty Funky Bunch to make a new Officer Patten album! This time babe I'm capitalizing on some music I made in the nineties with my band "Faith No More". We are doing hip hop renditions of it all and it's amazing. We had so many hits back then, I don't even remember writing them all but I must have! And it's always good to redo some old material just to get some extra cash. That's usually what music is all about! Me, Marky, the whole goddamn crew is here except for the 2 that died a couple years ago. So kick back and flip a whip with this new album.

Here's a list of the popular Faith No More songs we covered:
1.Epic 2.Right Here Right Now 3.Cult of Personality 4.Been Caught Stealing 5.Under the Bridge 6.Solitaire/Unraveling 7.Rock Lobster 8.Bring the Noise 9.Walk This Way 10.Welcome to the Jungle 11.My Name is Mud 12.Would?

I know, some of the best. I'm so righteous! So there you go boys. And ladies, watch out when Mr. Martin enters your guitar shop. He likes to get pantsy with them.



7/5/2016 "Mike Patten Sings The Bible"
Once upon a time god created the heavens and earth. Along with these cool new things was Mike Patten baby. I'm Mike Patten and I'm here to tell you that I have a new masterwork. I decided to make a multi-disc album of me singing the entire bible babe. Every word. There are a lot of songs and a lot of them probably sound the same but hey, there's only so much a man can do. Every night I close my eyes so I don't have to see the light. When I do this visions of God come to me and he tells me to do things.

He tells me to burn down the mall. He tells me to make fun of my teachers. He tells me to yell in the hallway. He tells me to do a cover of Stairway to Heaven. He tells me to hail Satan. He tells me to make out with my dog. He tells me to have overcourse with a shagbark hickory. He tells me to do a solo album. He tells me to do the bible. Babe, the bib' (bible) is so ripe. There is so much gore and drugs and sodomy. I just had to put a parental advisory on this one. Religion is for adults only babe. If you really want to buy this album and you're not old enough, just have a teenager get it for you.

Tracklist:
1.The Bible (Discs 1 - 665)



6/26/2016 "All By Myself"
You know what's the best? When it's just me and nobody else. Everybody knows all my vocal-only albums are the best, most accessible ones. And by the way, if you can't handle the fact that I'm the best musician ever and I don't play any instruments then you should go back to grade school and learn about music again in choir.

I don't think there is a more perfect noise then the rebeulish of my voice. It's like riding the Cagney without a seatbelt babe. Hold on tight. You're in for a Patten ride! I recently left the European Union and came to the UK to record this badboy. It makes me sound like the Beatles that way. I probably sound better than James and I probably sound better than Lennon. AC/DC wanted me to be the lead singer of their band and they had to settle with AXL rose because AC/DC sucks and I don't want to waste my time with some band I inspired in the 60's.

Tracks: 1.With a Little Help From Myself 2.Wonder Years 3.Organs of the Soul (Vocal Chords) 4.Juice Harp Madness 5.Bled for Milosavich 6.Gomorrah's Servecavern 7.Blood 8.Nickwater 9.Crystal Crawler 10.Overneath the Bradbury Bush 11.Douche Sandwich 12.An Orange, A Hug, A Breath, and A Mortician 13.My Sharona 14.Milking Myself 15.Go to Sleep 16.Jealousy



6/24/16 "At Your Service" (As "Mike Patten's Nevermen")
Flashback bitch. Time to go back to the age of glitter rock. Back in the day when men were never men, and we were never men. My new super group, wait, I mean, side project, wait no I mean it's own thing is called Mike Patten's Nevermen. It consists of me, and 4 different Dee Sniders. We rock the snot out of the arenas and even the local delicatessen. We even motherfucking go to the discoteques babybabe and freak everyone silly. The nevermen are gonna come and check your credit so you better watch out. We're gonna display your FICO credit scores at our shows and then start it on fire. I bet you don't have the cock to watch that. I bet you don't even have the cock to be a neverman. We had to tour for 40 years before finally releasing our first album, and we haven't changed a bit.
Europe may have gotten a little smaller but we're still gonna tour there like the glitter gods of the mid to late 70's. We are stuck in the past and it's no fun to get out so we are here to stay. Slow down. You might get a ticket for rocking too fast. weeoooweeeoooweeooo. New Rules: You are under arrest.
Tracklist:
1.Babylon and On (Babble) 2.Girl Ear 3.Shellshit 4.'Bate On 5.Tough Twins (4 of Them) 6.Wrong Gender, a Trap 7.Ms. Mistake 8.Fame I: The Atomic Golem Boy 9.Fame II The Wreckord Ends



6/12/16 "Hero of the Day"
We all need to bleed, we all need a hero. You're not the hero I was hoping for but I need to be heroed so thanks for the heroics. My gossamer dog told me to find my owner so I went to the firehouse. There I lept into the fireman's bosom and he brought me to my crazy owner. I like it when that happens because people pay attention to me. I don't get enough attention because I don't get everyone's attention.

Well I decided to make another album I guess. It has songs and it is great. ALL of the percussions are composed from various hollow logs. I use water for cymbals and everything else is blips and sings of my voices. I make so much cool noises that you can hear them. I was gonna use other instruments but then I was like "Hey" my voice sounds like everything so I didn't. If Mike is all u need, like it's all what I need then it's what u got, you ain't got need for nothing else. Please enjoy this song collection

Tracklist: 1.Dog Makeup 2.Snooze Comparatively 3.Midnight Fireman 4.Jack Fruit 5.Metaphysical Malarky 6.Gonash Pudding 7.Headburger Sleeprem 8.Doves 9.Mike's 10.Lovebuldge 11.Censor the Internet 12.Close Your Eyes



12/27/15 "Ingenuity Sucks"
You perfect, yes it's true babe, but without me you're only u. My heart menstruates for my new friends Walker and Trump. Right down through our family tree, we give a big "fuck you" to our ingenuity. We got smart bombs, it's a shame our kids are dumb, but at least we have smart bombs that only kill bad people. What a lucky thing. Don-o and Scottie make a great duo for me to sing over the top of. They talk about killing immigrants and going into school teacher's houses to steal all of their money and jewels. Meanwhile, I'm singing delicious arias and making crazy configurations with my voice.

Only I have the cock to trump Trump. In the matter of facts, I'm going to make a new 80's band called "Trump Trump" with songs like Dum Dum Boy and It's My Mic. Watch out for that release too but don't let me get too ahead of myself dammit! You gotta know how to stop me when I get off topic by now. Presenting: Donald Trump and Scott Walker, united, yet.. strangely far.

Tracklist:
1.Immigrant Song 2.Feel The Burn (Don't) 3.Two Pay 4.Another One Rides The Bus (A Song for Rosa Parks) 5.Rosa Parks Pt. 2: Another Immigrant Free 6.G*dd*mn Whitehouse 7.The World is Ours 8.Babybabe Became a Fat Nickel 9.Plumb 10.You Put On A Helluva Show (Solid Gold) 11.Your Hate Crime Was a Presidential Debate



12/16/15 "All I Want For Christmas is Me"
You know what else rules? Me baby. Mike Patten baby. I just want to wrap myself all up in christmas paper and a bow so I can open myself on the big day! I made these songs about me (top topic) and christmas (r. bottom) and it rules! All I want for Christmas is me and no babybabe or mommymom is gonna stop me. I get all the children's presents too cus I said so and I'm a big bully with an attitude that you can't even try to match because you're dumb. Merry Christmas fucker. Time for some more Mike!

I want the whole goddamn family to listen to this album because even little Jimmy should know about me. I don't want your kids to not like me because I live down the street and I wanna play after school sometime. I like to play action figures, and jets, and monster machines! Boom! Bam! Kaplow! There goes the ministry! DID YOU KNOW I LIKE MIKE PATTEN? I like Christmas too. And the record execs (me) always forces me to make a new Xmas album every year. They better play these songs in the department stores and shopping malls.

Tracks:
1.All I Want For Christmas (Is Me) 2.We Wish Mike a Merry Christmas 3.Silent Mike 4.Santa Babybabe 5.Marshmallow Mike 6.Mike the Halls 7.We Wish Me a Merry Christmas 8.Frosty the Snowmike 9.Mike the Red-Nosed Goat 10.Blasphemous Rumors (Depeche Mode Cover)



12/15/2015 "Dog For a Day, Bitch For a Lifetime" (As "Mike Patten's Faith No More")
Ouchie-wouchie babybabe. U kno I like it when u make me feel bad. It's like my medicine. When I get too goofy, u gotta bring me down to the dogs. In my everlasting quest to be a houndpup, I pull out all stops and go full-throttle beast mode. I bark, I woof, I holler, I sing arias over the top of death metal music. That's because I'm European bitch. That means I have more craft than you. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My band, Faith No More, knows how to follow their dog. I will always be the baby though. That's because I'm cute and cuddly and they cook, clean, lie, and say I'm Fido. After they fished me back out of the gutterstream I strive to let them down everyday so I can get my beats. There's just so much merriment in this #celebration and not even Donald Trump can feel this burn. #feelthedog

Tracklist:
1.Gonzo For Gaga 2.Throwback Thursday 3.Sunny Sad Dog 4.Superpuppy 5.Preparation Anxiety 6.Cone of Cream 7.Motherpuppy 8.Maldoror 9.Ipecac Cocktail 10.Reclamation


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