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7/19/2026 "Over Exercise & Under Eat" (Name stylized as "Mike C")
New Rules: Everyone MUST do my new workout album for a living. It's called "Over Exercise & Under Eat" and it's about these workout songs I made that instruct you the rules of the work' (short for workout babe).

Baby, over-exercising and under-eating is only part of the fun. I also force you to do shit-ups. I force you to do pelvic push-ups. I force you to do butt roll-ups. I force you to do butch weights. I force you to do Manic Elbow. I force you to do the Baked Alaskan. I force you to do Hellinger's Door Squats. I force you to do gunners. I force you to love yourself.

Babe, you are sure gonna wanna fuck yourself after you're done with my workouts! It's insane how good they are. I mean christ, just look at me! I'm cut like a door. My body is perfectly sculpted to be both utilitarian and shexshy. Don't u know I'm Mike Patten and I go Hyper-Diaper at the gym.

The only employee is my producer Willy - O (willy orbits) Tracklist:
1. The Mama Said Knock You Out Song 2. OE+UE Rules and Regulations 3. Shit-Up Sunday 4. Pelvic Push-up Pandemonium 5. Roll Up The Gloots' 6. Butch Weight Secret 7. Just Another Manic Elbow 8. Baked Alaskan (Toodle-Pop) 9. Doowore Skeewats 10. Gunnertreat 11. Now Go Love Yourself 12. Goodbye



7/21/2026 "Girlcock"
Babe I came up with the best new smash pop girl hit song of the summer oh my god! I just out-did Taylor and I'm coming for u next. My new album is based off of my new song and my new song is called "Girlcock". It's about all the cockamamie stuff a girly-bop does and goes through in her day to day life. I know all about writing songs about how women and girls think and feel just ask 'Yonce

I sing about the cockamamie stuff but I also sing about the serious issues like how it feels when the football star doesn't notice me or not having enough tampons to make it through volleyball class. I can really connect with the broads and their emotions. I'm the best at it. Them dames know nothing about Mikey P. though. And that's the way it's meant to be shhh.

I got some fresh employees this album to play like a joke pop band. They don't even play the instruments though babe. There are a bunch of other studio musicians that I employ to play the real stuff. These guys are here though because they look better in the studio with me. I don't want to look at any nasty men, I don't care how talented they are. Gimme the 'hunks babe and they can be my eyecandy studio employees.

Songers:
1. Girlcock 2. Zach the Quarterback Won't Give Me a RBI 3. Swift Taylor Farms 4. Tampons Today 5. Permanent Study Hall 6. I Think My Teach is Sexy 7. Advertisement for Neutrogena Pore Strips 8. Girlcock (Jesper Remix) 9. Advertisement for Yoplait Fruit-On-The-Bottom Yogurt 10. Oops! I Did Your Dad (Sorry, Not Sorry)



7/22/2026 "50 Years of Music"
Time Life Mike here babe and I gotta trick for ya! Don't do a snitch treat babe. U gotta know about my new gimmick. This is my album "50 Years of Music" and I called it this because there is 50 years of music on it. But shhh babe. I don't know what any of it really sounds like...

I'm the best at jokes, gimmicks, honkers, and tricks. It's only real that I would do this. And the thing I did is: I just dropped some money on this AI program to do it for me. Babe, I just motherfucking told it to make 50 years worth of Faith No More songs and slapped it on 328,500 CDs or 657,000 vinyl. U can buy it in a 328,500 CD set or 657,000 vinyl record set. You're definitely paying over a mil for this baby. Your wife is gonna have to sleep with the dog so you can have room for all the records.

Babe, this album used up a medium sized lake, a 16 acre forest, and a good chunk of the Andes to make it. But it's worth it you fucking asshole. AI is just that powerful. It's like firing a gun. Your not a man unless you use AI. Everything else is for girls.

Guess What! I just listened to some of the 4,000,000 songs and they sound so good. Babe I sound even better in AI than I do in reality. God, I'm so good. I have so much talent, my AI voice sounds way better than I do. I'm even the best in AI world. Big Jim Martin still sounds like a baby boy though. Buh bye Jim! Go and buy my new album you wont be mad about it at all. I promise!

Tracklist: 1. 50 Years of Music Pts. 1 - 4,234,421 2. How Far is Heaven?



7/24/2026 "Reactivate Your Nooni Control Your Octaraenus" (Name stylized as Mike Patten's Galaxy Quest)
Ohmmm. Babe don't interrupt me, Jesus. I am trying to align my octaraenus with my bifurcated control points and mind tunnel. I started getting into satisfying my nooni and exploring extra-terrestrial meditation and spiritual polygamy with crystals and ancient herbs brought from creatures of outer space. I have come with music from outside of our galaxy put into my mind by aliens using super brainbuddy enlightenment.

For this album I split up into my female nooni and male nooni and became Mike Patten's Galaxy Quest. The girl part is the most important though because that's what everyone wants to look at and it's the only reason I get any attention with this. I just hide the guy me behind some text or have him off the camera just enough so people don't have to see him. Then everyone can watch me stream my octaraenus on the beach without any men.

Guess what everybody was too scared to work for us because of my awakening. So we just had to make the album by myself. And then because it's just me I'm good enough to be on 'talent babe. (The TV Show America's Got Talent.) I rocked Howie-Wowie and Simon-Wimon so much they shit. And then I chugged a rainbow smoothie loaded with LSD.

A good idea would be to get galaga'ed and primaryilize your nooni to relax your octaraenus. You aren't going to know how if you don't listen to my new album. So namaste, motherfucker! Gimme some cash.

Tracks:
1. Zorbok's Song 2. Nooni Pop! 3. Smoothie Recipe (Spoken Word) 4. Advertisement for Moon Shoes Trampoline Wear 5. Unite The Galaxy 6. Advertisement for Broncolin Herbal Lollipops 7. Oxidize Your Chakras 8. Release Your Jamocha Duhkka 9. Advertisement For My Original Paintings Mikepattenattempts2paint.deviantart.com 10. Galagators 11. United States of Galagations 12. Don't Punish Your Pooper 13. Advertisement for Spinach 14. Space Fanati 15. Don't. Stop. Touching Your Octaraenus (2026 Remaster Bonus Track)



7/26/2026 "Doin' All Sorts of Bonky Shit! ...When You're On The rOad"
Rev your engines oh I mean rev my engines. This is all about me and this is my new rush sensation. What I do is this: Buy a semi-wemi. Let my crack hang out and start eating ambiguous chili spelt with comic sans font. Be as obnoxious as possible. And grab the mics babe. I busted out one of my microphone collections and mounted them in the truck. Then I had to put some stacks in the back. So my ultimate rush is screaming songs at full volume while driving over the speed limit in my semi machine. WHILE DELIVERING A LOAD! Why? Because I do all sorts of bonky shit! When I'm on the rOad!

I do all sorts of things while I'm driving because I'm good at multi-tasking tasks. I drink beer! I watch pornography! Sometimes I use my nordic track when I drive! It's so fucking loud from all the speakers I make Loud Load jokes all over the CB radio to everyone and they love it. I'm pretty sure all they get is ear piercing feedback from me talking into the mic when I'm on the CB. But thats just because Mike Patten. If you can't handle Mike Patten then pull over to the shoulder and get out of the fucking way! I also constantly have fireworks going off in the truck. I need there to be as much chaos as possible when I drive so I can get off.

Babe, sometimes I just put a motherfucking cinderblock on the gas pedal and go in back to lay down tracks with my new employees Hugh "The Polar Bear" Roland, Ice Road Rick, and a man I only know as Mr. Dunlop. They Play simple truck music while I lay down over-amplified vocals. I couldn't fit a producer in the truck so I just recorded everything on this 4 track I had laying around from the 80's. It sounds like fucking shit. It doesn't matter because I only care about how good it feels to make it. Sorry suckers. You gotta deal with some loud and unpleasant noises again. Thanks for the mon' hon'. (A shorter version of money honey.)

Nobody knows more about truckin' and the rOad than I do now. You gotta go as fast as you can. You gotta make as much noise and have as much distractions going on humanly possible. And you gotta purposely swerve in and out of oncoming traffic to get the ultimate high. That's what truckin's all about baby. And getting the big loads. Don't forget about the bigger the load the better the road rule I taught you. Okay I love you guys, bye.

Tracklist:
1. Trucktreat 2. DASOBS (WIOTR) 3. Screaming Fuck 4. Clutch First (Ya Commie) 5. Macho Camacho 6. Shittin' Out Da Winda' 7. Lisa Kelly 8. 15 Arias Down the Dalton Highway 9. Atigun Ass 10. Dumbass! Dumbass! Dumbass! 11. Dover to Denver 12. Pants On Fire (On The Antenna) 13. Yelling Swear Words Into The CB Radio for 30 Minutes



7/28/2026 "Trust Me, Trust Me, Trust My Guys"
相信我，相信我，相信我的伙计们。真的，宝贝。我发现这些家伙的时候，他们就在一个车库里随便即兴演奏。他们弹得不怎么样，但我喜欢他们的那股劲儿，而且一切都显得那么危险。我想加入这场行动，宝贝。所以我必须对他们进行严格的测试。

宝贝，难道你不知道你永远都可以相信你的头号男人，Mikey P 吗？你在我这里买东西的时候，永远不用担心买到劣质产品。我的音乐永远都很棒，我的嗓音永远都在线，因为我真的不抽烟。所以，相信我吧，相信我吧，你可以相信我的伙计们。他们都是顶尖的音乐人，热爱自己的技艺。

贝斯手是 Dee-Dee Weed-Dee。他喜欢弹得飞快。另一把贝斯由 Merle-Werle 负责。他会几种音阶。鼓手是 Dino Sexx，他是我们的裸体鼓手。我特别喜欢他总想尝试的那些拍号变化。总有一天他会成功的，好孩子。我们玩的是硬核朋克摇滚，而我会在上面唱着华丽的意大利歌剧咏叹调，然后偶尔尖叫几声。你要做的就是给我、给我、给我一件衣服，宝贝，我就会为你倾尽全力放声歌唱。

哦对了，我开始养成了在舞台上上厕所、然后和观众狠狠干一架的习惯。我也不知道为什么，只觉得这好像就是该做的事。

Tracklist: 1. Trust Me, Trust Me 2. Trust My Guys 3. Trust My Baritone 4. Trust My Money 5. Trust My Donkey 6. Trust My Ads (Advertisement for Chili Flakes) 7. Trust My Nads 8. Trust My Mom 9. Trust My Frailty 10. Trust My Quality 11. Trust My Mumbo Jumbo 12. Trust My Dudilations 13. Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart) ('Boys Cover Babe)



7/31/2026 "Micjoy"
Mic Patten here babe. Did you see the joke I just did? Let me explain it to you. So a microphone is something that you put up to your mouth to sing to people with. I use them frequently, my name is Mike Patten (remember this, you'll need it for later.). You can say the word microphone in a condensed form by just saying "mic'". I like to do this with a lot of words and this is one of the abbreviated words I came up with that everybody seems to use. You pronounce "mic'" the exact same as you pronounce "Mike". Now, remember how I said to remember my name? Because my name is Mike, and I like to sing into the microphone so much, I switched the spelling of "Mike" to "Mic". So when you say my name, you're actually calling me Microphone! I am known for telling jokes and this was a really funny joke that I came up with all by myself. I hope you understand it and I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any questions please let me know.

I love getting gifts and my favorite gift is a treat called a mic' babe. What I want most in the world is to get a mic' so I can force everybody to listen to me sing all the time. It makes me feel good about myself. Nobody ever says anything bad about it so I'm the best. I had to make an album about the jubilation of receiving a new pet microphone from mom-wom.

Attention all crew members. Please report to the service desk. I have to introduce you to these people that are buying my album. Okay. Here. I have Gunny Esch on Tractor Reving. I got Bubba Gump on oil drums. There's Michael Ivins on feedback. And don't forget Rachel Bitchbutt on bass.

This is some experimental stuff. The Microphone track is the most important part and it's the best. I used 90% of my recording budget on the mic' track. Sometimes I even did motherfucking two mic' tracks at once babe. Who does that?! Me babe.

Tracklist:
1. Mikejoy 2. Suck-Wuck Microphone 3. Haughshish Clouds 4. Jowy Boy 5. Doneder 6. Jolly Jarry 7. Float 8. Gutter Poppy 9. Dip Coldey 10. Funksounf



8/2/2026 "Chugs" (Name stylized as "Patten".)
Shlurp, shlupp, jaugulaurrshllock, oh hi babe. I was just here recording fresh new trax for my ASMR album entitled "Chugs". One minute babe.. GLurrgy, Shoooouuuuff, Schlopschlupfuckjughschlug. Okay sorry I had to finish my liquid boot. I do this thing now where I chug down these boots with different sugary candy pops. And then I burp into my microphone trophy.

I got the microphone trophy because I'm the best. I can outdo anyone on the mike (that was a joke). And I got more balls than the average man. And that's because I do avant garde albums. Babe, I bet you can't find a more avant garde kind of guy than yours truly. This time around it's all just noises I make when I 'chug babe. Each "song" is bookended by some satiation burps. Okay I'm bringing my microphone trophy to the mall now bye!

Hi I'm back from the mall I had to get the new fallout energy drink from Gamestop. Okay now I got some more ammo. Time to cock the can babe and chug. Babybabe, I've gained so much weight making this album. It's awesome. Now everyone has to get outta my way baby! I don't take no shit from anyone and I get to drive myself around in a rascal all day while I 'chug babe. I got the girth of Gomorrah and the cock of Zeus and I'm gonna come and chug stuff in your ears wear headphones because it's insane to hear the inside of my mouth inside of your head. No employees, just my succulent saliva chops, burps, and swallows recorded in true 1080p audio.

Tracklist:
1. Welcome 2 The Gates of Hell 2. Cherub Massacre 3. Goodnight O'Brien 4. Holy-Moly Motorcycle 5. British Knot 6. Cold 7. Oral Flatulence 8. Faygo Break 9. Jonathan Davis 10. Ghutch 11. Jumanji



8/4/2026 "Plug It Up!"
Check it out! Babe, last month I decided to participate in this thing called "No Shit July" and it required me to not shit for a month. I know u wanna ask me why I would do that so just fucking do it already. I wanted to do this for my new album because It's one of my experimental albums in which I make an album under extremely uncomfortable constipational distress. Plug It Up! is the result and I bet this album is pretty good! I never listen to 'em babe, I just do 'em. Not enough time. New Rules: Bye I'm onto the next thing already.

There, I just made my next album. What was this one? Oh yeah the constipation one. I forgot I did all that. Man that sucked. Babybabe, come close. You know what it's like to not shit for a month and try to make an album? I was so uncomfortable from the constipation-wonstipation. I got a few guys together to do some good ol' roots Faith No More type stuff but everything was so rushed. The faster I do things, the faster time happens. And then before you know it it's August and I can poop-woop. I finished recording the last song at around 'nite (short for midnite) babe so I was able to close the album out with my MMM (Massive Month Megashit). I bet Marilyn Motherfucking Manson isn't even shock-rock enough to pull this off.

I bet Marilyn Motherfucking Manson doesn't even have the cock to pull this off. The 'plug shot out like a rocket and put a hole through the toilet. I think I seriously did some damage to my body. But its art. It's for art so it's a need. But man my employees, Sweet James Martin, Roddy-Karoddy, Dreader, and Boilly Good sure had to deal with a lot of temper tantrums and fits. I couldn't get hyper-diaper cus I couldn't shit so I had to hold it in and be pissed off 200 percent all day long fuck. So the songs are probably really messy, and rushed, I didn't care I just wrote some bullshit down and did it as fast as I could just so I could make some money and shit faster. I hope you enjoy my new album!

Tracklist:
1. Anal Dump 2. Jim's Riff And Whatever 3. I Don't Care About The Song Title 4. Get Me Outta This Hell 5. IDGAF 6. Oh God Another Song Title 7. Don't Got Time 4 This 8. Bye 9. Okay I'm Still Here 10. Abdominal Pains Blues 11. Shit On A Shingle (I Wish I Could) 12. Naming Songs Again 13. Fuck 14. Shit 15. Damn 16. Okay 17. MMM (Massive Month Megashit)



8/7/2026 "When Two Stars Collide.." (Name Stylized as "Patten/Patton")
The time has finally come babe. I always see these memes about how I have the same name as this guy. His name is Mike Patten but he spells it wrong. This big beautiful bowl of barley-bean says he can sing but its not as good as me. I have the microphone trophy. I bet he doesn't even have the cock to get a trophy. And then we rented a Mungo Apartment in Italy to make an album and an interview track.

Babe, this motherfucker started talking about how he was in all the bands that I created with my blood. And it was during the interview track! Babe! Don't! I just smack him on the mouth, give him a big kiss on the lips and tell him to shush-wush. And then I play Bobby's World on the Super Nintendo with Jojo out of spite.

Most of these songs are just us trying to sing out our ideas louder than the other person. We could never agree on anything. He would always come up with ideas and even though they were awesome, I told him they sucked because I can't let him be better than me. So I would throw a tantrum and bang a big metal spoon against a saucepan and yell at the top of my lungs. Pattonbabe, come here.. shhh... don't speak. I created punk rock with MY band Mr. Bungle and I created hip hop with Faith No More. Love is a fist babe, it's always funny until someone gets hurt, and then it's just hilarious. And it's gonna start getting pretty funny around here.

Buy my new cash grab gimmick album babe. We got Automatic Dan, Big Jim Martin, The Avett Buddies, all my great collaborators were there with us to try and play some music behind all the noise and hyp-diap. So check it out and maybe find some cool parts here and there. Thanks!

Tracklist:
1. Bollision (Collision Remix) 2. Dirty Bowl Jimmy 3. Ganaches to Ganaches 4. 4,000 BPM Screaming Match 5. REO Fuckwagon 6. Boatgul 7. Jucking Hurl 8. Polygamy Pile 9. Cone of James 10. Sweet James (Sweet Jane Parody) 11. Boyd's Bears 12. Slammypank Horseplay



8/11/2026 "Butch" (Name Stylized as "Butch")
"Clutch first, Butch first, asleep at the wheel. Touch-a my bouch and U can see how it feels. Mutch love, Butch love, gon' make the word jeels. I am now, I am now your Buttch babybabe, babybabe." Oh sorry babybabe, I was singing my new song into my microphone trophy. I got this trophy because I'm the best at the microphone. I am always changing the configuration of my body and today I am Butch because I wanted to beat some people up like a real man.

Babe, I do all sorts of stuff like a real man now that I'm Butch. I dig shit into the ground. I eat rocks. I shit bricks. I give my horse a ride on my back. I kiss my fish. I drive truck with my middle finger constantly out my window. I put fireworks in my mouth for calliope. I wipe my ass with sandpaper. I shave my nuts with a sawzall. I fuck around with cars. I listen to The Ramones. I use hammers. I hang out at Men's Warehouse. I wear butch boots and I kick walls. I GO FUCKING HYPER-DIAPER AND SMASH MY GUITAR INTO A FISH TANK. Sorry babe, goin' wild from the 'mones babe. (hormones not ramones, and not the girl ramones band hormones just hormones hormones. testosterone.) Are u man enough to be butch?

This motherfucking album is butch-rap babe. I got the two Beastie Boys that didn't die yet on back-up vocals. I got Automatic Dan on beats. Wanna fight about it? I'm so intense now that I'm Butch and we make songs in the studio that are super aggressive. I fucking lift weights when I sing and I recorded the album in the gym. I like to punch the boxing bag and scoop up dumbells with a shovel. Then I ride off in my Harley with my middle finger in the air and a beer in my hand. The Butch rides out. But wait, there's more?

Tracklist:
1. Touch my Bouch 2. Butch 3. Wutt Kinda Buttch 4. Such a Buch 5. Clutch Butch 6. LOL (Lesbian On-Line) 7. Diggin' a Butch Hole 8. Utchy Butchy, Scroggy-Woggy 9. Alfred Butchcock 10. Rapper's Delight



8/14/2026 "Double Butch" (Name Stylized as "Double Butch")
Shhh babe. I told u there was more. *Bites your cheek and slaps you on the face.* I'm not done being butch babe and this time I got more sass than ever. The ramones I've been taking are starting to change me again and I am so sassy-wassy and I got a microphone trophy and I stick it up my butt.

Babe, everyone knows and loves my butch rap. I know they do. Even if they don't they do because they don't say they don't and they wouldn't say that anyway. Sometimes people just laugh and I know how it feels. Sometimes it's so good that it makes you wanna laugh cus you can't believe it. Sometimes it's so good it hurts because you gotta samck yourself in the face to make sure you're not dreaming. I got such good rhymes and such good beats and I'm good and I should be because I'm Mike Patten Extraordinaire and I live in Italy.

U just can't shut my big trap up baby! I rap about errrything this time around. Nothing is safe! I rap about all the current events and make them hood. And then I kiss myself and play jumping up and down.. double butch style babe. I bet u don't have the cock to handle the rope. I got the cock babe cus I'm butch. I'm so butch I drink valvoline. I clog the toilet. I leave body hair all over the sink. My back feels like a porcupine and my pits are like a swamp. I got a belch like a bulldog and a deviated septum to write home about.

Buy the sequel in my Butch album saga babe. U wont be let down I never let u down - Mike Patten.

Tracklist:
1. Bullbutch 2. Bark, Bark, Bite 3. Still Usin' Jeels 4. Rappin' and Belchin' 5. Gaseous Clay (Get In The Ring) 6. Pump Up My 'Cepts (Biceps) 7. HRBP (Hard Rock Butt Plug) 8. Butches 2 Butches 9. Twin Tongue 10. Advertisement for Brut Fragrance 11. 2 Butch 2 Fuck 12. Hyper-Diaper in Paris



8/19/2026 "..An Unusual Scam"
Trust me, trust me, trust my discs! Hi everybody. Mike Patten here! I have a new album for you today but it's a little different. You know I just HAD to do an experiment trick with people in a public setting. I'm an experimental artist so this is my social experiment album.

Why didn't you ask me what I did yet? I guess you just don't care - okay, bye. Hi I'm back. I needed some extra cash but I was too lazy to make any more music and the Butch Rap rotted out my creativity lobe. So i did the best thing ever. I'm such a little shit! Babe, I bought a bunch of blank CDs and wrote "Mike Patten's Ultimate Mix - Music By Mike Patten" on all of them but I just left them blank because it's easier and I’m clever. Then I hit the streets baby! I stopped people walking by and told them all about my music and that they had to give me $20 for a copy. I bet they took a massive dump when they popped it in their CD players and got a big ol’ middle finger babe. I could never keep a straight face babe. Everytime we exchanged money and disc I would start snot laughing. I’d always have to think of reasons why I’m laughing.

Shhhh baby, don’t cry. Don’t worry. Umberto’s here to soothe you. You gotta believe that this cd, while it is burned onto a CD-R, is not a blank cd! I would never do that to you baby! It’s cool! These are all field recordings of me scamming people and then I slap in a song me and a noisy band made up about the people we scammed from a recording session in the garage. Think of it as a buffet of glory. Trust me, trust me, trust my food and trust me, trust me, trust my words.

Tracklist:
1. This Guy Seemed Like a Gary 2. Dumb Kid W/ Spandex 3. Julius in the Nude 4. Crocodile Dundee Lookin’ Motherfucker 5. The Actual Barry Manilow 6. Jim Martin (Dumb Jim, You’re in The Band!) 7. This Guy Was Definitely a Cowboy 8. Jackdog 9. Big Bellied Family 10. Probably a Secretary 11. Glue Sniffer 4 Sure



8/21/2026 "The Greatest Hits Babe" (Name Stylized as "Butch Boy")
Everybody's favorite bonafide Butch Boy babe is back! Babe I decided to retire my Butch persona and keep it locked up in my rectum. And so then I decided that I need to make a greatest hits compilation of my Butch albums! I took-grabbed a few good songs from the two albums and put it on this premium album! I love greatest hits albums because I don't have to do much work and I make more money than I would've if I did the more work part and made music.

Babe, you better believe this motherfucking album is more expensive than the Butch cds. It's a special-edition. The back of the CD is reflective and multicolored for lasers! So cool. And it should be more anyway because I took the six best songs off the albums and omitted all the rest of the garbage that was on them. Now u don't gotta deal with any of that crap babe. You're dumb if you already bought the other two albums. See? I told u that I got u babe. Everytime. You won't go bad when I'm here babe.

Babe, my makeup technician is dumb. I told him I wanted to do Butch Boy but he thought I meant Tansy Boy so he made me this stupid looking goldie locks wig to wear and wuss bibs. Babe, u don't know butch. I know butch. I know what butch looks like and this isn't it. I was too impatient to have him do it the right way so there ya go. Thanks guy.

Tracklist:
1. Touch my Bouch 2. Butch 3. Wutt Kinda Buttch 4. Bullbutch 5. Bark, Bark, Bite 6. Still Usin' Jeels


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