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1/12/23 "Obeybybabe"
Oh babybabe, time for another album. Tonybabe's SFX left my mouth a little scratchy so I had to make this lozenge of an album to soothe my golden vocal extremities. This succulent bouillabaisse I've concocted is sure to soothe but at the same time, punish any Tonybabes trying to drown out my beautiful articulations with zany sound effects of cows, toilets flushing, and slide whistles.

Babe, only Mike Patten can add zany sounds to his music. It's okay though because I tattled on him to mommymom and he got an hour vacation to the left hand corner of the photograph. Then I threw a tantrum anyway because I didn't have enough sketty. The sketty I did have was overcooked but I used yesterdays butter to make it better babe. The sketty she made me for lunch yesterday was better because she put a pinch of garlic powder in the water when she was cooking them. Then she added a sprig of fresh parsley and bountiful flower petals.

I went to the post office today babe and mailed Tonybabe a GIF of me laughing and pointing at him. I always get the last laugh and if you don't OBEY you might end up like Tony-Woney. I did not use anybody this album, I just made everything myself I was just so sick of hearing everyone complain about how I only do what I want to do but it's my album and I can bitch if I want to. So here it is, only voice, and only long raging yells at full volume.

Before I call it a day, I'm going to total my voice and say "YYYEEEEARRRRRRGGGHHHFF" one last time.

Tracklist: 1. UUUUUUUUUAAAAARRRR 2. OOOOORRRRGGGGGGGAAA 3. BBBBBEEEEAAAAUUUUUURRRRX 4. MMMUUAAARRR 5. AAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGG 6. AAAAAAAA (Repeating)



1/11/23 "Unlimited Butt"
I'm the best at being famous. I just wanted to get that out of the way so I don't have to say it later. I always get rewards and accolades. I usually just give them away now but this time I decided to suck my kiss and accept one. The only dumb part about it is that I had to share this "You're a Star" award with my band, "Mike Patten". Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner and I like it that way babe. This group of hooligans is Big Jim Martin Jr. on guitar, Chord Smouth on bangos, and Tonybabe on SFX (Don't ask). Everyone thought we were good of course because I'm in the band and I make everyone else seem better when they don't really understand how to read notes the way I do. Now we're known all around the world.

I called this album Unlimited Butt because I have butt for days babe. Seriously, my measurements are ridiculous. All the ladies like it (and even some of the guys 😉 ). I felt like it was a good idea to sing about this along with showing off all of my success on the album cover. It's a one two punch combo, that's how I fight like a true Brave. Meet me in Atlanta under the bridge babe and I'll show you.

Babe, can u put a stick of butter in my custom fitted underwear? I'm starting to get a little dry. Oh thanks Chord, you are one of the good ones. Oh sorry babybabe. I forgot I was writing this for a second. I was in like a parallel universe or something. Just meet me at the coffee shop babe and we can discuss my new album's tracklist:

1. Unlimited Butt 2. Apache Monkey Dishwasher 3. Aquatic Monkey Mouthbutt 4. Pillowbed Moisturedust 5. Black Whites 6. Whaughtchyou Thunkin!? 7. Let Em' Cry (Hootie Cover Babe) 8. Veronica (Pixies Cover Babe) 9. Traffic Adventure in Shitland 10. Roster Child IRA 11. Bastards of California 12. Is Only Natural (My Butt) 13. Have Ever None 14. Grape Ape Makeout Session (In B Minor) 15. Tangerines (Flaming Lips Cover Babe) 16. These Are Ways (You'll Remember) (Maniacs Cover Babe) 17. This Song is the Last Song on My New Album



1/8/23 "Nude in Manure"
M a n u r e . . . m a n u r e . . . Oh hey babybabe, I was just saying manure three times slow so I can go back to Kansas to my Holstein farm. Big Jim Martin sows the seeds and milks the cattle, and I sit around in manure and make music. It's living the life chock-full of supreme and I got the light of God raining down on my skin as I soak in my malodorous bubble bath babe.

Do I have songs? Oh I have songs and they're wrong and they're long but they're good and stuff. I think you should give them a shot atleast. I made a new genre called shit rock and it's good. I got in trouble though because of my potty mouth. Babe, you're just gonna have to deal with my 'potty a little longer because my tongue is not done. I say all the secret words only adults are supposed to say. Jim's guitars are tuned to drop D this time around and my voice sounds like there's a bunch of crud in it. Stuff that the parents just wont understand so that makes it good.

What else that makes it good is that I decided to call up Big Jim Marty-Martin for guitar help this time around. And then u listen and then u are like "When the fuck did we get ice cream?" because it sounds so good it's like eating ice cream and it's ice cream that came straight from a Holstein's teat. So then Ultimate Destroyer comes and Ultimate Destroyer is one of my songs.

The touch, the feel, manure, the fabric of our lives; I like to make little hats out of it and go to the store. I like to put it overneath Big Jim's pillow. I like to smear it on my face and ask myself "Why don't I marry it?". I like to hook my plumbing up to the 'nure pile so it gets sucked up and pumped through the pipes to come out of my faucet in the kitchen, (the kitchen sink). And I sell it as expensive face cream you have to wear to bed to understand. I hope you like my new album and here is the songs:

Tracklist: 1. Nude in Manure (Revisited) 2. Shitflies 3. Coddled in Filth 4. Don't Destroy My Poopship 5. An Experiment in Feces 6. Nure Walk With Me 7. Facade 8. Tongue Beetle 9. Buckets of Malm 10. Shoenfield 11. Crazy For Caca 12. Retiring With a T**d on my L**s (I'm Not Really Retiring Babe, Don't Worry) 13. Ping My Pong 14. Yes!



1/2/23/ "5 Seconds or Less"
Mike's here boys! Fire up the stomach and open up your appetite hole. Time to pound down another heaping helping of Uncle Mike in the newest instalment of the Mike Patten Megaverse. U kno I'm always there 4 U N I will be there in 5 seconds or less or your money back* *When Mike Patten says money back he doesn't really mean that because he wouldn't be able to afford it and he would throw a temper tantrum at the zoo. What's that babe?? U ordered a pizza? Sorry not sorry babe. Here's my idea of a 12" babe, and it's cooked at 33 RPMs.

Babe I got hot, fresh, piping smooth Italian albums coming fresh out the oven babe. I slice the wax and cut the cheese and bring it wright (see what I did there?) to your door, unannounced and in full pizza delivery driver regalia. What other artist does that? Nobody babe, I'm always thinking about U and sketty. Sketty just my side tho babe, u my main 4 life - Mike Patten

I woke up this morning and decided I need a change so I called up Big Jim Martin to see if he could help me with some guitars this album. He said yes and then ordered Papa Johns one night and I told him to leave and I used his guitar tracks and gave my dog the credit for it. U can only eat my records babe, new rule. 30 dollars each.

Well I hope you liked my pizza pop. Solly-wolly pizza pop. And then I give him a tansy! I give him a tansy! Channeling my inner Huey Lewinsky.

Tracklist: 1. Fast Body 2. Big Beat (On Time) 3. Surprise! You're Fed! 4. The Fat of the Band (Big Jim Babe) 5. Moriarty Wax Treatments 6. Monkey Drugs 7. Fancy Poop 8. Ipod Classic 9. Pubic Craft 10. Beaux 11. Cornish Hen



1/1/23 "Peepshow"
Be on the lookout babe. There's a fresh peeper on the loose and his name is Mike "Looks at Things" Patten. He likes to look in windows, door holes, pot roast, and bough.

The king of collabz is back butterbabe. I'm peeping and I'm tomming and I'm having a good time with my friends who helped me make this collaborative effort album. Shhh babe, don't be fooled though. The artists I listed in the credits and on the cover aren't really who played on the album. I just said that because it makes it look better. Who can't resist some big name artist mash ups?

I can babe, because I am the best at resistance. Instead of using greats like Rahzekial and Automatic Dan I used people like Tanya Harding and Danny Bonaduce for my collabs. They're cheap babe, and nobody will ever tell the difference. I can't tell the difference and I know more about music than everything. Look out world, Mike Patten 2023, coming with a new album for a new year, "Peepshow". It's one fuck of an album and I'm having a good time with my friends while making it Shhh babe, don't be fooled though. The artists I used on the................. (infinity)

Peace, love, unity, respect. PLUR 2023 Mikepattenisstillthebest

I forgot to tell you about all the things I peep at. That's kindof what this is all about. I peep at dogs sleeping in their dog houses in my neighborhood. I peep at boiling sketty. I peep at bundles of Kirkpatrick. I peep at monster mash. I peep at Jones. I yell in the hall and I have a bad gait. Please don't hate or procrastinate, buy my new album. Peepshow babe.

1. Five Wreckonds 2. Mojo Nixon's Best Song 3. Tripping on The Door 4. Shit Away 5. Your Neighborhood Rodgers 6. Hang the DJ 7. Pam Cap 8. Wisconsin Death Match 9. Feeling Good, Thanks for Asking 10. Sucky Sucky 11. I Think We're Alone Now



12/28/22 "Meat Vol. 2"
I'm being sassy again babe, I decided to make the decision to make another meat album babe. I just had all this leftover meat from my tour babe and I had to use it all up. Now you all have to sit through 6 hours of meatrock. I'm the best at six hour albums and hour long songs and now you can call me Mike "The Caretaker" Michael Patten in bed.

And I just don't give a fu----. I do more things with meat than I've ever done at my live shows, what a magnificent thing to have happen in this day and age. I just think it's kind of neat. I squeeze it and make little animals out of it, I put it between my toes and then I eat it from my toes to fill up my cheeks and fist pop all the meat into an Italian duffel bag, I also found out the joys of sticking the meat in a saxophone and blowing as hard as I can to make it blast out everywhere. I just think it's kind of meat. It makes a funny noise.

Enough about that, I know all you folks want to know about is the actual "music" this loooong album has to offer. Well it's a concept album babe. It's about the slow degradation of rotting meat. Some people say it's the most disturbing thing they ever heard. Of course it is babe, whenever I do something, it's the most. I'm the most.

Where's the beef babe? It's in my neck of the woods. Using all this meat to make music is hard babe and making music is easy when you're Mike Patten, but it isn't easy because the meat is hard, so it makes the music hard. So I had to struggle a little bit babe but here it is, in all it's avant-garde wonder. Grade A choice grinds.

Tracklist: 1. Stage 1 - Juicy Meat Sunrise 2. Stage 2 - Goodbye Expiration Date 3. Stage 3 - The Burning Despair of Bewilderment (Played at 185 Degrees Farenheit) 4. Stage 4 - Meat Loses Consciousness 5. Stage 5 - Fungal Lollapalooza 6. Stage 6 - No Mo Meat (Extended Version)



12/24/22 "Shock Rock Jockey"
Hey babybabes, sorry I haven't been around, I was on tour. I decided to put together the craziest shock rock tour ever babe. GG, Mayhem, and Plasmateywateys got nothing compared to Mike "Poops His Pants" Patten. This album captures all of the great live content you have come to expect at a Shock Rock Patten Show.

I don't only poop my pants on stage babe, I eat the microphone, I do meat bongs, I poop the microphone out into my pants, I throw meat at the audience and release raw wolves, I throw hot butter into the crowd, also, I yell as loud as I can, I paint funny things with finger paints and start them on fire, I start my hair on fire and run around the stage in a haircut cape, I squeeze raw eggs between my legs, I beat up Big Jim Martin during his solos, I spread peanut butter on my chest like Iggy and let it get all hard and crusty, I blow up TVs playing Chili Peppers videos, I make you all watch me drink a gallon of juice and a kettle of sketty, I play a video of me going to the store to buy more meat but then I burst through the screen and try to cut my arm off with a dull, rusty saw. I do it all babe and I'm the best.

Nobody can top my on-stage antics, follies, and bops. I don't even care so then I can do anything I want and none of you puss-sucking motherfuckers out there can do anything about it. Oh no! Mike Patten is using a flamethrower to burn the structurally important parts of the building while shearing a sheep and playing with a flaming yo-yo! That's okay babe. That's what you payed for. You paid for danger, death, and rock n roll, and here it is, Mike Pattten, 2022, shock rock extravaganza, never say die, rip.

Oh My God the tracklist:

1. Buttchug Meatbong 2. Nevermind the Mollusk 3. My Body is a Babybabe 4. Burger 5. Whomp That Motherfucker 6. Toasted Bun 7. Ground Lust 8. Mike Vs. Mike(rophone) 9. Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow



12/22/22 ""You're Perfect, Yes It's True... But Without Hee-Hee You're Only You" A+" (Name Stylized as "Michael Patten")
Shamone! Yow! Kicking the air! Moonwalk babe. Oh hi! I didn't see you there, I was just practicing my new moves. I'm the king of pop again baby, I'm also the king of Italy. With my new album, "You're Perfect Yes It's True, But Without Hee-Hee You're Only You", I pull out all the stops to become the ultimate pop 1con! I had to stop frantically obsessing over sketty and juice for a while to make a masterpiece, and here it is babe.

Don't worry babe, I'll be back on the sketty and juice again, but for this album I decided to start with a dancey-poo beat and then I put some synthy-wynthies in and finally I use my voicey-voice to sing whacky penoodles over the top of it. Then I motherfucking do the moonwalk babe and grab my privates.

I'm the best at private grabbing dances babe. I usually don't team up with big name producers because they make my voice sound bad but I did this time and it wasn't "bad". I guess I'll try everything out once. I'll do anything to sell a few records and make a few bucks. He told me he was doing some whacky configurations I've never heard of. Some weird thing called "reverb" and another one called "volume". I don't know, whatever you gotta do to make me sound good babe, do it.

Okay well everyone has to go and listen to my new pop album now because I'm the hardest working man in America, and Goddammit, I Love America.

Tracklist: 1. Good 2. The Way I Make Me Feel 3. Speed Dealer 4. Hot Mess Sandwiches 5. Bad Babybabe Bunbutter Boo 6. Another Part of My New Album 7. Man in the Mirror But the Mirror is Actually a Trapdoor and He Goes Into My Labor Heavy Spike Pit 8. I Just Can't Stop the Pop 9. Dirty Diane's Dumptruck 10. Smooth (Feat. Rob Thomas) 11. Pudding on My Ritz



12/21/22 "CrazySexyMike" (Name stylized as "M")
Don't go chasing babybabes, babybabe. Let this be a friendly reminder to you from Mikey P "Mike Patten" Patten.

Babe, a while ago I released the album "CrazySexyCool" and I felt like it was a great album, but it wasn't ego-centric enough. I thought long and hard on what to do and so I made it called CrazySexyMike instead, it's better. Q: Hey Mike! Why are you always doing everything in such a way that it is better than any other way under the sun pt. 1 - Rise and Shine.

Babe, my city of Eureka CA. just got hit by a quakey-wakey (quakey-wakey is just Mike Patten's way of saying earthquake). But don't worry, when it started I grabbed the earth and held it tight and made it stop. Then I put my tongue all over it and licked and teased and told a bed time story. Don't make me move Eureka all the way over to Italy, Mamma Earth.

Sorry babe I got sidetracked, a lot has been going on. I think I was saying something about an album. I don't even remember which one I was talking about anymore because I'm just popping them out unintelligently. I bet I told you all about the new album if you scroll up a little ways.

I came up with this crazysexymike idea to have Big Jim Martin help out on this album. I called him up to help and then I just made him sit there and watch me record everything myself. This album is all about me so only me gets to be on the album. Thanks for the help Jimmybabe, but I can't pay you this time, all you did was sit and watch.

I'm sure this album will touch all the teenage hearts in America. These are songs about being a real woman, something I know alot about from watching TV. So listen to the words of wisdom and tap your toes because it feels good. Here's the songs babe. - Mike "Left Eye" Patten

Tracklist: 1. Don't Go Chasing Quakey-Wakeys 2. CrazySexyMike - Interlude 3. Creep (Radiohead's Stone Temple Pilots Cover) 4. Don't Bathe Me Babe (No Scrubs) 5. Bops Und Burps 6. Wearing Out the Urancerage 7. Believe 8. Change My Poop Pail Jim! 9. Hanky-Panky 10. Left Eye 4 Sketty 11. Doom Metal 12. Stevenflow



12/19/22 "Bad Sketty"
Bad sketty! STOP! Stay put babe. My sketty-wetty wont behavey-wavey babybabe. I have to put it on a leash. It's just so out of control!

Babe, we all know that I identify as an Italian babe. You don't have to be born something to be something anymore babes, you can choose what you want and I choose Italian so go pound a duffel I am Italian. Being Italian, I eat a lot of sketty because its good. I only like it with sauce and oregano leaves. I don't put vegetables in it because it tastes bad.

New Rules: Sketty is the new juice. Sometimes I will eat sketty on an airplane, sometimes I like it with a little salt added to the water. Sometimes I put sketty on my chest and rub it around and laugh. Sometimes mommymom makes me sketty and I throw a fuss because it's not cooked right. I like sketty sometimes and I write a song about it, . . . . or an album. Here it is babes. I dropped my sketty and I had to sing about it babe.

I decided to look up and call Big Jim Martin to see if he would help me with this album and he would and I hired him as an employee to play guitar. I made him wear a badge that says "Bear With Me, I'm in Training". That's all it is babe. Guitar and vocals. It is New Romantic garbage but that's okay because I make garbage gold babe - Mike Patten 2022. So make sure you give this one a golden listen. I got the tracks and here they are!

Tracklist: 1. Sketty Thirst 2. Bad Sketty (Your Love is Like) 3. Hey! Where's the Sketty? 4. Sketty-fine 5. Under Sketty Skies 6. Secret Sketty 7. Sketty 8. In the Land of Rape and Sketty 9. Read Between the Sketty 10. Skettysaurus Sauce 11. Dirty Sketty/Wicked Sketty 12. Squeeze Me Sketty 13. Skettyarmor 14. Sketty Juice 15. Any Sketty Left for Jim? (No)



12/15/22 "Please Don't Kiss Me"
Stay away you big brute!!! That's it, New Rules: No Kissing Baby Babe. I usually just let any random stranger come up to me and kiss me, and trust me, it happens alot, but not anymore bullionbabe. If you try I will yell and scream and throw a big fit until someone plays me an episode of Teletubbies and gives me juice.

Of course, I had to make an album of this. Now it is time for album "Please Don't Kiss Me". It's actually a ska album. Isn't that weird? I've never even heard of that genre before and I know more about music than anyone. I guess I keep breaking ground and trying out new experimental genres. Genreihogifjafaslkdfn.

I have Jimmy "Checkers and Stripes" Martin on bass and Flea "Red Suspender" Williams on guitar and then there are drums and it's done by the band Chad "Davenport" Choughs and he is funny because he is in the movie Stepbabes. Good employees with a glimmer of hope. I'll give them a raise, they sweat hard.

Alright babybabe, I gotta go now. It's time to get some of that 'pep spray (I used 'pep instead of pepper because.)

Tracklist: 1. You Oughta Know 2. Cootie in My Pocket 3. Seventeen Dump 4. An Alternative to Passionations 5. What I Got I'm Gonna Give it to Your Momma (Herp pt. 1) 6. Pink Cigarette (Cigarette = My Mouth) 7. I'm Great at Swimming 8. Origins of Amalgamation 9. Bonehead Move



12/13/22 "Let the Muscles Do the Singing"
Check it out babe, (strikes a pose), I am striking a pose. I got the chunk and the wrought to be a merryman fade. And I let the motherfucking muscles do the talking. I don't need to open my mouth at all this album babe because I just flex my muscles in front of the mic and let them make all the noise. It sounds like rubbing two balloons together babe.

I recruited Big Jim Martin Martainus Doink-Trough Lewinsky for a guitar player and he rocks the house. And he is just soooo hot. But STOP! I'm the hunkiest hunk around. Only me not u or anyone else around because I'm the bomb.

These muscles are weighing me down babe. They're making me so weak. I need release. I need exasperation. I need insatiabilities. I need solace, I need chauncy, I need Cole.

Tracklist: 1. Belvedere Buttplug 2. Musclesqueak Jamboree 3. Thomas 4. Bowling For Poop 5. More Whoopee Cushion for the Whoopee Pushion 6. Unintelligent Metronome 7. Perish 8. I Need to Bread



12/8/22 "A Very Specific Fetish"
Heybybabe. Time 2 tell u all about my troubles again. Babe, my mind is getting too advanced and it's getting harder for me to get jiggy with it. I have to create crazy configurations to achieve pleasure. Babybabe, the only thing that gets me off nowadays is me on the floor underneath a babe on a swing wearing a mask of my face with spaghetti between our legs, an alligator trying to bite us, the excitement of sitting on a cupcake if I lose balance, a feather duster, a plunger doing it's thing, a swarm of bees attacking us, and a man in a Sonic The Hedgehog mask playing a trumpet all at the same time. It's gotta all be there babe or nothin'.

It's been a while since I made any scandalous-wandalous music babe so here it is. Top raunch Micheals style pop music with the brain of Bodine and the girth of Jules. Tit-tapping tunes for the whole family the relch of Stoutemire and the boldt of Rainne. I have the Dust Brothers on production. Just listen to my sample track and u will see they are good. And I have me on the Mikerophone. I love my voice.

Lyrics for the song "Tongueswap" It's a song I've improved on.

"Late at night, in the bed
Babybabe, I rock

Babybabe, In the night
You can touch, my butt

I see u, swarm of bees
You can sting, my nuts

Private eyes, in the dark
Babybabe, U suck

Chorus:
Tongueswap, Tongueswap, Tongueswap

See the comments below for a link to the song babe.

Tracklist babe: 1. Tongueswap 2. Secrets 2 Hush 3. Naked Linguini 4. Posh Milk 5. Magic Mike's Magic Show 6. Gators and Cupcakes and Bees Oh My 7. Hushy Wushy 8. A Very Specific Fetish 9. AVSF 2 - The Reckoning 10. Justify My Love



12/5/22 "Bite the Hand That Feeds You"
I'm still hungry babe. My appetite is voracious and my aim is set on the one who birthed me and gave me milk and he needs me and he loves me and its me. I created myself after somebody else did and I don't even care I'm going to take advantage.

I softly let these songs roll into your living space and drown out your everyday life. I soothely let these songs banana into your jorts and pank out a bunch. I can't believe I let myself do this. Unequivocal serendipity.

"Owie - wowie babybabe. Stop biting my hand. That really hurts. And it's mean." I bet that's what I'll say when I bite myself babe. I bit myself. "Owie - wowie babybabe. Stop biting my hand. That really hurts. And it's mean." He looks like Travis and he likes trucks. He falls on his back and he gets popped in the nose tonight.

Another thing you should do is I decided to release a track or two here and there and then you can shove them down your piehole. Please see some of my older works: https://soundcloud.com/mike-patten-master

Tracklist: 1. Junk Truck 2. Evidence (Better Version) 3. Up By Nine 4. Powell 5. Boba Funk 6. Don't Let Me Die With Those Silly Teeth in My Fist 7. Adult Humor 8. Folsom Lunchbox 9. Deep Bougie 10. Bruv 11. Jandourek 12. Cane Butter 13. Bilingular 14. Tropicana Hangover 15. Angry Bun Ophelia 16. Bloody Gehtti 17. Monkey Suit



12/4/22 "Apetite for Juice"
Hungry for wungry, appetite for juice.
Two metal wheelchairs, for my cousin Bruice.
There's a baby on the corner, babe in the grout.
My name is Mike Patten, I scream, yell, and shout.

Hey babybabe, expert Mike Patten here to give you some good music. But really it's all about giving me something. I want juice and I want it now! I want orange. I want grape. I want vanilla. I want it all! No prune though babe. I poop eight times a day as it is. And I'm going to make a fuss about getting that because it's not the right kind.

This album is me making a big fuss about not having any juice. I get really wild and its okay because I'm actually pretty put together sometimes. People seem to like my company and sense of security I give them when I sing. I guess sometimes it's not always about the benjamins, but it is always about the Mikes babe.

Excuse me I have something to say. I would really appreciate it if you buy my album. It would mean a lot to me. I could earn enough money to afford to make another album. Either that or I make some junk garbage on my aunt's karaoke machine and make you buy that instead. It's up to you. Let's give our wallets a symbiotic relationship babe.

Tracklist: 1. I WANT JUICE! 2. Don't Blame Me, Blame My Appetite 3. Will U Be My Donald Duck? 4. OJ Patten Trials 5. Starving for Juice 6. Falling Even More in Love With Juice 7. Where's The Juice? 8. No More Juice 9. I Still Want Juice 10. I Have Juice 11. I Want More Juice


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