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5/14/23 "Music For When You Get Bored of Talent"
Hi folks, Mike Patten here. I came to you today for your entertainment as well as your education. I'm here to tell you about and play my new material that I am working on. I've compiled an extra special composition separated in 9 parts (or "songs"). These "songs" I personally crafted for your enjoyment in arts, history, and political science. Please enjoy my----

Hey babybabe, the real Mike Patten is here now. Mommymom said that my other personality can only come out half of the time. I decided to give myself multiple personality disorder for this album because I needed it to not sound too good. Sometimes we all need a break from talent, whether it be on Tic-Tac or Tubeyboob, talent is everywhere and it is exhausting. So I made another personality for myself that isn't very good at music!

This is his album babe. I think it's totally embarrassing and it's a shame to have to put my name on it, but all the critics are raving for some reason. I haven't had an album rated higher than 3 stars in over 20 years. But this one has more than 5! and it's out of 5! That doesn't even make sense!

What else doesn't make sense - he used Jim Martin 2 for some guitar parts and guess what? He actually did what he was told and didn't meander off into an endless sea of noodling and chugging guitar riffs. I just don't get it. Whatever. Mom says my music is better than his so it doesn't matter.

Buyer beware: This album is bad. Trust me.

Tracklist: 1. The Four Noble Truths Suite (The Grand Ballroom Erupts) 2. The Meaning of Life (Beginning, Middle, and End) 3. Why Did I Have to Fall in Love (Again) 4. The Complete Nostradamus (Dodo) 5. Understanding the Elements (From Hydrogen to Oganesson) 6. The Great Mind of Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche 7. Julius in Fornication (Timepieces) 8. The Inevitable Mortal Coil 9. Dust



5/2/23 "Save Room for a Lozenge"
Hi friends. I bet you didn't know that industrial rock music is in my blood! I created this genre in the 80's with my experimental group Mr. Bungle. We did it all! We used samples from video games and that's what industrial rock artists did, use samples. So we were super industrial and Dannybabe traded in his drum set for some gears and machinery.

Dear Dannybabe, why does your drum set sound like you're working in a factory? You traded your drum set. I get that way sometimes, I forget things. It's starting to become a problem. Not only did Dannybabe industrialize his drum set, there was an industrial revolution with Big Jimathan Martin and his guitar. He replaced the strings with keyboards and broke it to make it sound bad. Then mommymom asked us what we wanted for dinner and we all said "Sketty with butter please!" at the same time and started laughing and rolling around on the floor together.

So everyone in the world is asking "What's up with the lozenge Mike Patten?!!" Well babes, shhh. It's okay. Mike Patten is here to explain everything to you. I had to suck on a lozenge during the recording of this album because my throat was really damaged from an ailment and screaming lyrics during the ailment. Sometimes I wasn't hungry enough to eat a lozenge because we had too much sketty. But sometimes I wasn't hungry enough to eat a lozenge because we had too much lasogna. Either way, there were times that I couldn't handle a lozenge and those were the times my singing was just a bunch of whispers.

This album is also like a lozenge. So save room for a lozenge. There is a lot on here that will soothe the shit out of you. Trust me. It's not hard throbbing kill kult gristle ministronics. But most of it is. That's because I'm the hardest to ever live.

Tracklist: 1. Nine Inches of Mike 2. Five Second Nails 3. B4BYB4B3 4. Testure Skills 5. Daisy Chain 4 Patten 6. A Drug Against Flea 7. Kooler Than Patten 8. Very Groovy Sketty 9. Thumb Thumb Two 10. Old Horror Movie Samples on Top of an 808 (Untitled) 11. Lozenge in Flight 12. Assim[IKE]ilate 13. Lozenge (For You) 14. Combinations of Christ (Suck)



4/26/23 "Manchild: Songs Without Words"
Here I am dancing in the shadows of the river. Oh hey babes. Mike Patten here and I'm with my new playmate John Zorn. Everyone should say hello to John Zorn because mommymom said so. That's right, we made this album about yours truly, the ultimate child at heart, mind, and soul. Babe, I can't help it if my body outgrew my mind. That's just the way it works. That's how you win Grammys. Those are special award stickers I get from my grandma. If I don't get any I will throw a temper tantrum and get sketty stuck all over the ceiling again.

Speaking of tantrums, I just threw one because I didn't get enough butter. I only like sketty with lots of butter and nothing else, if anything else is on there I will smash the plate on the ground because it's not right. There are a lot of reasons I have temper tantrums and fits. If da-da turns on the news and I wanna watch Zoboomafoo but he turns the channel to Fox News and I don't wanna watch Fox News so I punch a hole in the TV and cry and yelp and have an aneurysm. That's when Zorn hits the record button babe. These are songs without words, just me having a tantrum and Zornybabe doing crazy musical confections in the background.

Babe, I don't know where I would motherfucking be if I couldn't rely on my parents. They do everything for me (shhh, even wipe my butt and piss me). I'm just a little baby, I'm cute and sweet as candy and I crinkle around in my diapers like a runway supermodel megastar. We ran out of Jell-o? You taught me a lesson, thanks mom, I guess I can't rely on you for anything. Better go to the store babe else I will lick up my chops and Zorn will have to get the record button ready.

Anyway, it's time for me to romp around the living room in my underwear and pretend I'm in a band. I have my milk, my pajamas, and my stuffed teddiebabes. If you do check out this album I'm sure you will have as good of time listening to it as I did making it. If you don't check out this album I will kick and scream and yell.

Tracklist: 1. My Mom is Better Than Martin 2. After School Jewels 3. Tantrum I: Stepped on a Battle Borg 4. Tantrum II: Jell-O Too Thin 5. 21st Century Manchild Man 6. Tantrum III: I Don't Wanna Go to Church 7. She Cooks, She Cleans, She Buys Me Pokemon Cards 8. Mr. Krinkle (Primus Cover) 9. Tantrum IV: My Sketty-O's Weren't Al-Dente 10. Diaperchange


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