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6/15/2026 "Friends Without Benefits"
Pattens back babe, and I have this "ALL-NEW" gimmick going on so it seems like everything I do now is good and better than anything else ever was. I had to take a little breaky-poo again because I moved to Italy because Italy is who I am and Italy pumps what I bleed.

Don't you just hate it when the boys try to sleep with you and then they have a rash and then you didn't realize it at first and you hit on them for 5 months even though it was all over their face, you just thought it was joke makeup. Well guess what babybabe? No honey pot for berkin boys. You're just going to have to sit on your hands and masturbate in the corner while I read 50 shades.

So there you have it. It's pretty much Love Without Love with a twist. Friendzone 4 life. We can be besties baby-waby but you can only watch me change, you can't get no honey. You can only watch me fuck, you can't get no honey. You can't only tuttch my buttch, you can't get no honey. That's a song. Figure it out.

Tracklist:
1. Mink Cigarette 2. Go Pump Yourself 3. Darwood's Muppets 4. If U Wanna Be With Me (U Can't Have-a Rash) 5. You Can't Get No Honey 6. Got Pits? 7. Rashpit 8. No Sex (Bizkit Cover Babe)



6/15/2026 "Hard Luck Poopy-Patayta"
I wanna talk about Ireland. Oh no Ireland! Why are you being so faminous? Maybe I don't want to talk about Ireland anymore because....

I was born in the ground babe. I grew into a spudtato and I be a hard luck woman, a hard luck poopy-patayta.

Isn't that fucking nuts?! I can't believe it check it out. David Bowie, you know him? He was known as a great reinventor of himself through fashion and he had multiple personalities. Well I! am Mike Patten and I'm better because I have been so many things in my life and i reinvent myself into everything. I was a donkey, I was the Earth, I was a monkey, and now I'm a potato. David Bowie doesn't have the cock to be a spud babe. I'm the hot spud and I just got baked.

Do you know what rules? This music I've been doing babe. It's called Saurkraut Rock and I make a motherfucking potato salad in the studio. I wanted to get the best producer so I got Rick Rubin and I told him I wanted to get the best producer but I had to settle with him because he was the only contact on my phone that I bothered to put the name on because I wanted to avoid his calls. I didn't know any of the other numbers so I just did that, whatever. Do you know what else sucks? He told me he only knows how to compress the shit out of everything so this album sounds like listening to a good album with potatoes shoved in your ears. I'd rather shove a potato up my butt but you know.

Thank you for buying this album anyway though. It's good because it's me.

Tracklist:
1. Tatonubs 2. Hard Luck PP 3. Gruyer's Knob 4. Jung Potato 2000 5. Laura Gomorrah 6. Heavy Bust (I Wanna Girl With A) 7. Junk Homophone 8. Dim Sum 9. Whack Pool 10. Patayta Eyes (She Got) 11. Don't Shit Me Out



6/16/2026 "Getting Used to Pain"
Getting used to pain, getting used to pain.... Getting used to pain. Getting....... used..... topain. But it's not easy babe. I've been giving myself ouchie-wouchies and bump eggs because I want to be badass for the women. Real men get the shit kicked out of them so I'm busting my chops, licking a knife, and wearing sea urchin underarm garments.

I out-freak all the freaks babybabe. Esch, Allin, Morimoto, and Cheoups. Skin is like paper! Give me a microphone so I can smash it into my clenched mouth, breaking six of my own teeth. Then I'll eat my teeth and let them scrape my colon.

The music on here is really sleazy. I ooze out sleaze and rub it on my chest and do whippets with Joey Ramone's dog Marky on stage. Thank you Marky Ramone for being my guitar player this album. I still can't figure out where I put Big Jim Martin. I'll find him some day eventually I'm sure but who cares. Nobody pays attention to the guitars, or drums or anything anyway. My voice matters most. Everything else is just there because it has to be.

Tracklist:
1. Hot Knife Slice Sluice 2. Body Full of Bandaids 3. Paup 4. Junk in My Punk 5. Doolaup 6. Bring The Insain Pain Train 7. Live at Stubbs 2024 8. Marky's Drumbdumb 9. Guitars of Rock! 10. Shiddy Tooth 11. Ouch Wouch Boom 12. Tupples 13. Goodbye Good



6/17/2026 "HYPER-DIAPER!"
OH MY GOD I'M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN'T STOP! BABY IT'S BECAUSE I'M SO HYPER-DIAPER! MY GRANDMA SAYS WHY DO YOU GOTTA BE SO HYPER-DIAPER ALL THE TIME! I AM THE BEST AT BEING HYPER-DIAPER! I AM SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING AND I GO NUTS ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

BEING HYPER-DIAPER IS BEING SO HYPER THAT YOU SHIT YOURSELF! I SHIT MYSELF AND THEN I SMASH A GLASS BOTTLE OVER MY HEAD! I LIGHT MOLOTOV COCKTAILS AND PUT MY JOHNSON IN THE BOTTLE HOLE! I BURP IN FRONT OF MY TEACHERS! HEY TEACH! AND THEN I BURP! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY VOCAL FLATULENCE TEACH I'M MIKE PATTEN! AND I PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE!

LET'S JUST FACE IT. I'M WILD, ZANY, OUT OF CONTROL! I DO ALL SORTS OF INSANITIES ON STAGE BECAUSE I AM HYPER-DIAPER! MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT HYPER-DIAPER IS THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES BECAUSE I'M TOO HYPER-DIAPER TO LET ANYONE YELL AT ME! GO AHEAD AND TRY I'LL JUST FUCKING EXPLODE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME IS MIKE PATTEN AND I AM THE BEST BECAUSE I'M THE LOUDEST!


TRACKLIST:
1. I'M GONNA COLLISION YOU! 2. HYPEREXTEND YOURSELF (WINGS FOR JARRY PT. 1) 3. DIAPEREXTEND YOURSELF (WINGS PT. 2) 4. HIAPER-DYPER (TITLE TRACK?!) 5. LET'S PARTY WITH FIRE! 6. JULIA 7. DUNGBUDDY BOO 8. I ATE TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE 9. AFTER BEDTIME! 10. 10,000,000,000!!! 11. HOLY SHIT! 12. POOP YA PANTAROOS! 13. JOBELIUS WITHOUT WINGS 14. JOCK SCAM 15. BIG POPPY POP POOPSHIP 16. BE GG 17. BUTTERCOCK 18. GO DO CRACK! 19.PLAYIN' 4 KEEPS 20. PILEDRIVER! B



6/18/2026 "LVTT PTTN"
Whats going on all you puss sucking motherfuckers out there?! Oh whoops! Shushy wushy babe. I can't swear because I might offend my new butt buddy Lyle Lovett. He doesn't like swears because he goes to church and he plays country music so now I'm all into country music because I have a very impressionable brain and I just go with whatever people around me are doing, dumb.

Every song on this new Mike Patten (and lvtt) album is country-wountry I sing because I'm better at it and he just plays an accoustic guitar. I decided to call up Big Jim Martin for this album because I needed someone to shred sweet guitar solos over the banally boring country music chords. Sorry Lyle babe, New Rules: You just need to be seen not heard. You're just part of the gimmick. Buh-bye!

This album really means a lot to me because I'm on it. I do such a good job and I win the country music awards. I bet I'm going to be 20 on the Billboard "Country-Wountry Albums Featuring Duets With a Non-Country Artist in It" list with this album becuase I'm good

Tracklist:
1. Kiss My Fish 2. I Can't Enjoy My Farm (Becacuse They Are Singing in Spanish on the Superbowl) 3. Bo-Dunkle 4. Greasy Spurs 5. Don't Be A Square, Line Dance 6. Jokum 7. 2 Many Boots (Under the Bed) 8. Diggin Dirt 9. Yeehaw Babe 10. Country N Roll



6/19/2026 "Mikeworld" (Name stylized as "Mike Girls")
Mike Power! Mike Girls are here babybabes and we are all about Mike power and equilising Mike with the other genders. All five Mike Girls are present. You have Sporty Mike, Posh Mike, Ginger Mike, Baby Mike, and Crazy Mike. We sing and dance with our booties and babe let me tell you, we are good and a sight to see!

Pop music. We are Pop music. We do pop music so we can dance. Now here are the Mike Girls: Hi, I'm Sporty Mike, I'm my favorite Mike Girl because I'm the cutest. I over-exercise and under-eat. Come and get at me! Hi, I'm Posh Mike. I am a gold digger and I married rich even though I already have a boat load of money. I just use that money for fires and to stuff my wonderbra. Ginger Mike is my name! I like to do things like pose naked for everyone and quit the band! My trademark Union Mike Flag dress is a show stopper at the pops. Hello, I am Baby Mike. Baby Mike is my name and I always like suckers. I usually wear pigtails and I have a detached hymen. My favorite colors are blue, pink, and pineapple. What's up fuckers it's Crazy Mike. I live in a bad apartment complex on the east side of town and I like to have non-english speaking tweakers over to smoke crack. I usually have a party going and I play a game where I smash a can with my hand until I bleed. Come over and do a beer bong with me!

Thank you ladies for telling us all about the MIKE GIRLS! I'm so excited to hear the new tracks.

The new tracks:
1. Wannababybeeb 2. When 2 Become Me 3. Generation Mike 4. Get With My Friends and Then Me 5. Mike Up Your Life (And Uranus) 6. Say You'll Be Hair 7. Saturday Night Pattens (On a Friday) 8. Never Give Up on the RBIs 9. Viva Patten Vampire (Mother of Nothing) 10. Strength and Courage and a Wonderbra



6/22/2026 "Gimme A RBI!!!"
Everybody knows that I'm known for throwing fits, having tantrums, screaming like a child, and being hyper-diaper. Today is no exception! I told my friend Donald Umpire to give me a RBI and he wouldn't give me a RBI and i threw a fucking shit fit and broke my 3000 dollar TV set.

A RBI, for those who don't already know, is pronounced "Rub - E" everybody cool is saying it so catch up babybabe. I'm always making up fresh words, fresh abbreviations, and cool rock. Sometimes it's hard to collect them all and keep them stored in the memory bank. But you gotta try else you're gonna fall behind! You don't wanna fall behind, trust me. This album is a genre and that genre is "cool rock". "Cool rock" is playing in the background and my voice is front and center and I sing cool rock songs. But in the middle of the songs I get pissed off because Ump wont give me a RBI and I throw a hyper-diaper shit fit in the middle of the song and break things in the bedroom.

I definitely found some cool rock dudes to be my employees this album. It was good because I didn't care if they heard me act like a screaming wildchild and one of them gave me a RBI after a while. I brought u home babe. Now time to give me some stats.

I had "Glass Tiger" Thompson on guitar. "REO Jizzlober" on bass. Fallin' Oats on drums. and Corey Feart on clapping at the end of each verse, chorus, and song.

Thanks once again for going out and buying this release. I don't hope you enjoy it because I know you will.

Tracks:
1. Don't Forget Me When I'm Done 2. Rub on Me 3. Eye of My Tiger 4. Sunglasses at Mike 5. Never Surrender! (To My Needs) 6. Private Rubber 7. Owner of a Lonely Cock 8. The Final Rub Down



6/25/2026 "Now Gimme a Fucking Cigarette"
Everybody knows I'm still throwing fits, being Hyper-Diaper, and going nuts! It's because Coach wont gimme a fucking cigarette! I want a cigarette and I want one NOW! I DESERVE CIGARETTES BECUASE I'M GOOD.

All I want is for coach to give me a fucking cigarette. I just got done getting a RBI from Ump and the only way to chase that down is with a good ol' fucking cigarette. But coach won't do it! He just won the super bowl and someone is pouring gatorade on his head. Big deal! I want a cigarette NOW. I'm most important and you always have to cater to me because I don't wanna take care of myself! Gimme Lucky Mikes, Gimme Pattenfields, gimme a Newport. I don't care babe. I just need my fix. I might need a coup' (couple) babe because I just scored a three run homer.

This album sounds like yelling and a bunch of crunchy guitars. I have Scottian on Guitar, I have Timmy Buffet, Jimmy Buffet's kid on drums. Don't worry, he's into metal so it's cool. and I got GWAR on bass. It's a brutal line-up babe because I'm pissed and ready to go nicfit on your ass.

Cigarettes are so fucking good. I like to smoke them when I record my vocals because I get gravel sounds and I do some cool hacks, coughs, and throats. I smoke them on stage when I sing now too because I always gotta have 'em! They're so good and they make everybody happy. So COACH! I just threw coach a towel. DRY OFF A LITTLE, YOU'RE PATHETIC. GIMME A FUCKING CIGARETTE!

Tracklist:
1. Gimme a Fucking Cigarette! 2. Tobacco Bread 3. 4th and Long (Marlboro Long) 4. Lucky Strike Out 5. Pall Mallitor 6. I Wonder if New Balance Makes Cigarettes 7. Smokin' at the Plate 8. Juiced 9. Smoking Suck-Wucks (Cigarettes) 10. Smoking on the Toilet (Christina Aguliera Cover) 11. Cigarettes (T.I.B.E. Cover)



6/27/2025 "Don't Gimme a DNF"
Baby. Do you know what I hate babe? When Ump is giving me a RBI and he throws me a DNF and stops. Why did you stop? It's only been 45 minutes! DNF (Pronounced DUNF) means I did not finish and I don't like it when I did not finish. Don't you know that I'm gonna go hyper-diaper dynamite all over the place because I'm not getting my way? Gimme a RBI! Gimme a RBI! Gimme a RBI! How about that! Betchu can't handle the tanch' (tantrum) babe.

You know what else happened to me girl? After I freaked out on coach about my cigarettes, one of the guys dumping the gatorade punched me in the face. What a joker! I know he didn't mean it because everybody loves me! What a silly guy. I got a ouch-wouch and a kiss on the cheek. Thanks coach!

This is the last album of the "Gimme Trilogy". It's all the demos that weren't good enough for the first two. Just some leftovers from the other sessions and then I sing over the top about not finishing. But you know the rules babe. It's gold cus it's me. Nobody can not like it because else you aren't a real fan. And if you aren't a real fan, then who the fuck are you?

I hope you don't get any DNFs in your life unless you're not giving me a RBI. DNFs make me mad and Ump is giving me the blues' (balls). Here are the songs oh they are all unfinished.

Songs:
1. Diaper Dynamite 2. Did Not Finish 3. Done with DNFs 4. Dumbdnfs 5. Electronic DNF 6. Code of Ethics 7. Donald DNF 8. DNF Goes Fishing 9. DNFin Donuts 10. DNFuck 11. Maataad 12. I'm Done Gimmeing



6/29/2026 "Presents The Official Ramones Video Game Sountrack"
Hey daddy-o, don't you wanna go? To the record store to buy my new album titled "Presents the Official Ramones Video Game Soundtrack" because it is great! There's something down there. It is a Mikey P.

Daddybabe, I am totally hooked on this brand new, pulse pounding video game that got released and it's called The Ramones Game. I'm totally hooked babe! I'm always trying to see how many times I can stop The Ramones! Babe, I even know the secret to make 'em fly across the screen! I'm the best at games and I'm the best at the microphone.

I decided to make it my duty to make the soundtrack babe. I'm all about The Ramones now. I know all about the four members Joughey, Marquey, John, DD, Seige, and Ritch. I was having a hallucination one day of Joughy coming into my bedroom and singing me a love song and he peed his pants. Then I was having a hallucination of Marquey feeding me meatball sauce. Then I was having a hallucination of John punching a kid's dad in the face breaking six of his own teeth. Then I had an hallucination of DD doing Chinese rock with a guy in a wedding dress. I did not hallucinate Seige and Ritch yet because I'm not a big enough fan to know those guys. They are not in the video game. Silly guys.

I decided to do all the greats on this album. But Shhh! Don't you fucking tell anyone I put my own spin on the songs because I want it to be a surprise when you play it. And oh will you play it! The songs are fast, dumb, and full of bean noises. Guess what. New Rules: I got Marquey to play drumbs on the album because he's always looking for some Ramones thing to do. Hey babe I got a new Ramones Band for you to be in. Mike Patten's Ramones. It's good because it's better.

I dressed up as all the Ramones when I did the album because I had to be in character to make it authentic. Now I'm an honorary member and you can just call me Mikey Ramone and I'm gonna beat you up. I'm so dreamy just like the rest of 'em. I borrowed Marquey's wig to cosplay better.

So babe. Play the game and buy the album actually playing the game isn't that important because I don't want you to beat my high score I'm in the hall of fame as JHM which stands for Joughey Hymen.

Tracklist
1. Presents The Official Ramones Video Game Soundtrack (I Wanna Be Sedated MIDI) 2. Beat off the Rat 3. Now I Wanna Huff Some Drugs 4. When I Was Young I Smoked My First Cigarette-tette-tay 5. Now, Await, Now, Await 6. 1234 7. Having A Affair 8. The Shotsy Song Without the Bad Words 9. Shitskrieg Slop 10. Too Dumb Two Die 11. Now I Wanna Eat Some Beans 12, Dumbando 13. I Wanna Be Deleted 14. Acid Eaters (Caution: Song Isn't Cool and Trippy) 15. Wart Dog 16. I Wanna Be Your Dogfriend


7/1/2026 "Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain"
Guess what baby? I like to do this thing called having new complains. I have complains about everything and I "complain" (complain is where the word complains comes from) every day of the week! Powder up my butt and spank me babe, I been a bad babyboy bitch. Yeah, I calmed down a bit because the Ramones game made me less hyper-diaper all the time. I just needed something challenging to focus on. But now I'm so irritable from sitting around and playing The Ramones game all day. I didn't do my Hyper-Diaper shit fits to keep me from being irritable and complainey-wayney. Oh yeah...

I met a guy named Wayne that is all philosophical and I'm pretty sure he is a galactivator. I complain to him about everything and he has an answer for it. He just pets this little dog thing and spits out this gold about how death is better than bad and life is a box of Chuglets.

Hey, Wayne, check out this complain: Not enough soda in my pajamas! I am Wayne now. Oh, you gotta realize that we're just humans with wives and children. I am me again. Nice thanks Wayne that solves everything. That was an example of our conversations. These songs aren't conversations though it's just me complaining all my complains. Sometimes you just have to new complain it up if you got new complains. Dear Wayne, I'm forever in debt for your priceless advice. Thanks okay now go.

This album is produced by Steve Albany and Steve Drorzdfx. They are the best and they play the background music behind my voice. It does not sound like it's bad, but it's got a lot of butt. So listener beware. You're in for a scare, and a mouthful of pottypoop.

Tracks:
1. Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain I : There's Not Enough Sketty in My Bowl of Butter 2. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) II : Jeff Got Coke Zero Instead of Regular Coke 3. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) III : You Have Very Mutty Hair Wayne 4. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) IV : Stop Having Mutty Hair I'm Distracted 5. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) V : My Mostacholly-lolipop Has Bite Marks on The Bone 6. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) VI : My Mirror Doesn't Work Because I Look Dumb 7. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) VII : Marilyn Manson Always Says a Pseudo-Intelligent One Liner and Repeats It Once Again After He Says It The First Time 8. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) VIII: I Don't Have Enough Pappy-Toes 9. H,W,IGNC (Short For Hey, Wayne, I Gotta New Complain) IX : I'm So Sick of Complaining. Here's 10 More Complains


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